Virtually every married person goes in thinking they’ll be a great spouse. But once the vows have been said, reality sets in — marriage just isn’t as easy as we think. With the combining of family, friendships, belongings and money, challenges and problems abound. American relationship therapists believe these are the common fights couples have in their first year of marriage. They also share how to navigate these complicated issues.
Check Out Some Of The Common Fights That Couples Have
The Money Fight
Money is a very popular tricky subject for couples — especially newlyweds who have only begun combining finances, are shopping for their first home or thinking about starting a family.While dating, or even if you’ve been living together, it can be easy to hide your finances. Once married, most partners learn the truth about things like the true amount of debt their spouse has, or learn about money habits that they don't exactly agree with.
Be honest, transparent and express your feelings about money to each other. Next, come together to develop a plan on how you will move forward with your new financial life together.
The Sex Fight
It’s easy to take the sexual chemistry you both shared at the start for granted. You might think maintaining a steamy sex life will continue to be effortless. But the truth is, many couples experience a dip in their sex lives during the first year of marriage. A dwindling sex life can create physical and emotional distance between you. Especially if one partner is making advances that are frequently rejected. While the other feels ashamed that they can’t satisfy their partner’s sexual needs.
It’s common for the sexual passion to die down after the wedding and you both become unhappy with your sex life. You both need to have a constructive dialogue about sex. Explore your desires and deal with the feelings of hurt, guilt and anger.
The Boundaries Fight
Sometimes it’s friends dropping by the house unannounced. Other times, the in-laws ask prying questions. Some other times, your spouse is unable to make a decision without consulting their parents first. Unhealthy boundaries with loved ones can put a strain on your marriage. It’s important to maintain close relationships with friends and relatives after you get married. But regularly prioritizing others over your spouse will inevitably lead to discord in the relationship.
You have to be attentive to your spouse’s wants and needs on a daily basis, and they need to do the same for you. You're adults now, and adults are capable of setting solid boundaries. They put their spouse and marriage first. The fights are there because one partner values what their family or friends need over their spouse’s needs.
The "Clean Up After Yourself" Fight
Figuring out how to divide the chores is tricky when you're newlyweds. You want to avoid one person feeling like they do all the work. But it is essential for the health of the relationship. In fact, a recent survey found that 56% of married people say sharing household chores is very important to a successful marriage.
And when the lion’s share of these responsibilities unfairly falls on one partner’s shoulders, resentment can build, leading to frustrated outbursts and arguments. In our part of the world, women are mostly the ones who bear the brunt of household chores, but it isn't always the case. You need to discuss and agree upon cleanliness standards. This is very important so that a household standard can be agreed upon that you both can follow.
This article was first published on AfricaParent.com