I remember when I was a young girl, our next-door neighbour was a single unmarried woman in her 40s, she was the same age as my mother.
Single women may be happier and more fulfilled
Being a single woman used to get a bad reputation in the past, but not anymore.
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She didn’t seem to lead an unfulfilled life despite being unmarried - she seemed very happy. I remember having a conversation with my mother about why she was single and how she looked so happy. My mother rebuked me and told me that I should never talk about being unmarried and that her presumed happiness might as well be a facade.
Aunty Janet always wore snazzy black suits - I don’t recall where she worked, but I remember visiting her home countless times and marvelling at how beautiful it was. She always had relatives and friends over, and she was never alone.
In an ironic twist, Aunt Jane’s best friend got married only to get divorced after a few years because she had some marital issues. If you ask me, I’ll say Aunty Jane got the good end of the deal.
The question is, are you settling or are you in love? Is society pushing you to get married even when you are not ready?
Some people find love and who they are looking for very early in life, some do not, the more they search for the perfect person, the more they elude them, but that shouldn't make them any less happy.
According to Bloomberg, women who stay unmarried are not only richer but happier. This is because without the extra burden of a child and a husband, they are able to move up the corporate ladder faster.
Children cost a lot of money, and many career-building years can be lost to childbearing, not to mention the physical and mental exertion it takes to raise a child.
Wives and mothers have expectations from their husbands too, and this might lead to them putting everyone else's needs before theirs and feeling unhappy and resentful.
Single women can travel without restraint and enjoy life to the fullest while using their money and income to take care of (only) themselves. Not to mention the added advantage of their bodies not having to undergo the rigour of childbirth.
There is a difference between loneliness and alone. Solitude is not a bad thing, even married mothers and wives crave it.
Tracee Ellis Ross, a 49-year-old American actress who has never gotten married, speaking to Marie Claire magazine said, "People misinterpret being happily single as not wanting to be in a relationship. Of course, I want to be in a relationship, but what am I going to do? Spend all the time that I'm not [in one] moping around?" Ross argued. "No. I'm going to live my life to the fullest and I'm going to be happy right here, where I am."
"Our society spoon-feeds it to you," the Blackish star said. "I used to put myself to sleep dreaming of my wedding and I would still love all of that, but what am I going to do, just sit around waiting? Shut up. I've got so many things to do."
These days we see many single married women like Ini Edo and Naomi Campbell opt for surrogacy, since Mr. Right isn't coming along.
I think about Aunty Janet a lot, she stands as a symbol that self-fulfilment does not lie in any man, marriage or children (good things no doubt) but in ourselves and the presence of friends and family.
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