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How far should I go to leave a good first impression on boo's parents?

Here's a gist about nose rings, tattoos and whether or not there is a need to alter one's look to make a fantastic first impression on a partner's parents.

How it began

A user,  Arinze Odira [@CaptanArinze] tweets about a couple’s fight which began as a result of a request for the girlfriend to remove her nose ring for the visit to the guy’s parents.

“She had a nose ring. He wanted to take her to see his parents. He asked her to remove the nose ring. The fight started…”

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“She said he didn’t love her enough to defend her in front of his parents. She said she’s a strong woman and she can wear anything.

He is helpless. Poor lad,” he tweets.

It is unknown whether the tweet depicts a hypothetical situation or if the tweeter told of a real life dilemma.

The uncertainty of the story’s validity has however not stopped a discussion being centered around it  on social media, with opinions being divided, as expected, along lines of those who agree with the lady’s refusal to take off her nose ring for the visit, and those who think she’s wrong for not doing that ‘little thing’ to impress her man’s folks.

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Reactions in support of keeping the nose ring

Some do not agree with the idea that someone needs to change anything just to meet a partner’s parents. Among them is Twitter user, Izzy Angy [a_oribs] who says:

“When he met her didn't he see she had a nose ring? Why does he need her to take it off just to meet the parents. If he knows he's not OK with a girl who wears a nose ring then he shouldn't have bothered with her in the first place.”

Another user, Fine Wine [@Pengenough] believes it is better to not date someone at all instead of trying to change them to a different image even if it it’ll be pleasing to your folks or anyone else.

“I’m sorry but I can’t remove my nose ring cos I’m about to meet your parents if you don’t have sense to know they won’t allow it, that’s your problem.”

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“…Date someone that meet your parents standard then,” she adds.

“You know your folks are judgemental, close-minded & you know how much power they hold over you then you proceed to get in a relationship with a girl who’s the exact opposite of what your parents would approve of then ask her to inconvenience herself to please them. Stress.”

According to people who believe that it is unwise to alter your look to please your partner’s parents, it is a sign of being weak and two-sided, instead of showing up to them the way you are right from the onset.

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Knowing what they are accepting from the onset is better that accepting a version of you and seeing a different one entirely after the marriage fully begins.

“I met my husbands very “religious” family with my long Brazilian weave, long nails, lashes, red lipstick, tattoos showing, fitted dress& heels. They later told my husband that they loved the fact that I showed up that way. Be yourself always, there is someone for everyone!!” tweets @Rene_Noire.

Reactions against keeping the nose ring

For those who believe that it is wiser for the woman to remove the nose ring, it is a matter of making a great first impression on the parents, rather than changing the core of your being drastically to please them.

Afterall, it’s just a nose ring that can be removed and worn back after the date with the parents, they say. It's a little compromise to make for a longterm benefit, the add.

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“Damn dawg. I can't understand this silly Twitter conversation. Is a nose ring really that important? Something wey u fit wear back in 1 minute. Wild,” tweets Bashiru Babatunde [@Bashy_io]

Viewed from another angle, people make remove nose rings and conceal tattoos for employment interviews all the time, why not do so to make that great first impression on your partner’s folks?

The idea of first impressions as accurately spelt out in a tweet by  Twitter user, HRH Adabekee [@cremechic11] is to “give people the opportunity to see what they like about you before they see what they don’t like.

“Let people make a decision about you based on their perception of your positives,” she says.

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In a thread that proceeds from that first tweet, the twitter user further explains how “putting your best foot forward isn’t pretending. It is common sense” and how “you won’t stop being Nkechi if you covered that tattoo for 24hrs so you can bond with your conservative future in-laws.

”They will still get to know you have tattoos, ring, anklet etc etc, but they’ll respect the fact that you respected them enough not to rub it in their face,” she adds.

What I think

In the end, two and two aren’t always four and what works here will necessarily not work there.

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For example, as opposed to @Rene_Noire’s story above in which she got accepted despite going to see her lover’s conservative folks with all the frills and accessories, another Twitter user shares her story which ended differently.

Chena [@ChenaOnouorah] tweets: “I told my ex I couldnt remove my tongue ring in 2015 to meet the fam at a social event and he should stand up for me at the event if its brought up... [Anyways] he's now married to one babe like this….

“I guess I was immature...but the thing is...these things can be removed. It wouldn’t have killed me to remove it for a few hours. But then I guess I waa just stubborn. I don learn sha”

If a partner does not say anything to you before the first visit to their folks, then it’s either their folks will have no qualms with any ‘unconventional’ looks you may have or that they have prepared to defend you, and shut down any contrary opinions those parents may have.

On the other hand, if he or she asks that you make a little change before meeting his or her folks, it makes sense to actually consider doing it. Your partner likes you with your tats and piercings, but maybe her parents don’t like such things.

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But guess what, you [advisably] need your partner’s parents’ blessings to marry that partner who likes you just the way you are.

And to get those blessings, you need to make that great first impression to be accepted by those parents. So it really doesn’t seem like a big deal to do that to marry your boo who should be your bigger concern.

It would be a different thing entirely if your partner was asking you to change absolutely, and not just to get his or her partner’s folks to like you.

In the end, every decision you take as an adult is your responsibility to bear, no matter how they turn out eventually.

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Imagine for a second, however, how fantastic it would be if you never have to live with a lifetime of regrets, when you could have easily averted it by doing something as easy as removing your nose ring for few hours.

Just imagine it._______________ is a weekly columnthat aims at explaining modern relationship practices, and tries to demystify relationship myths while proffering useful advice for stronger relationships and modern marriages. You can read other articles

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