Dear Bukky,

My boyfriend is refusing to have sex with me. We've been together for two years now. I am a virgin but we've both agreed that we want to do it. The last time we tried, I got very scared and I cried off.

After that he said I had to be very sure if I wanted to do it. It’s been months now and I am certain sure I want to make love with him but he's been bringing up different excuses some I understand and others I don't.

I mostly don't understand a lot of them though and it actually hurts a lot because I feel like I'm throwing myself at him and he's rejecting me, which he actually is.

Mind you, he claims to love me a lot and always says he's tired of waiting. He says he would love to make love with me and I should make up my mind. But now I have and he has rejected me consecutively with excuses of time, work or having a problem that he would always refuse to explain.

What do I do? I'm truly conflicted and hurt.___________

Dear reader,

How old exactly are you? If you are below 18, please stop pressuring him. He could be scared and he’d be right because it could be a problem sleeping with a minor.

If you are 18 and above, then I’d say communicate. If you have already had a conversation about this, do it again.

Be open and absolute in expressing your feelings but do not be aggressive. Do not let your emotions get the better of you while you are presenting this issue and your concerns to him. Tell him

Seeing that you once pulled out in the past, he is probably just scared to hurt you again. It could also be that he is fearful of being disappointed again. He may not want to get himself worked up only for you to back out.

Now that that is out of the way, I need to mention to you that sex for the first time could hurt a bit. Get a lot of lubrication so you can get through it as easily as possible. Also insist on protection.

But all that is assuming that he will get to sleep with you this time. If he refuses to do this after the conversation, the next thing to do would be to ask yourself: is this sex really important to me right now?

If you can’t be without it, then you should probably get out if it is going to always cause issues and resentment. If it does not, then I would suggest that you focus on other parts of your relationship and build happiness in all these other ways apart from sex._____________

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