Dear Bukky,

This may seem inappropriate but please do not judge.

I am in love with a married man and I don’t know what decision to make. I am 28 he is 36 and has two kids

We met, hooked up and with our first sexual encounter I got pregnant. I had circumstances which denied me to keep the child despite him wanting me to. We both arranged for an abortion and I did it.

Our relationship took a knock after this but we reconciled and got even closer and it seems to be getting more serious.

He still wants a child but we agreed after I finish my course. He wants a third child but the wife is stuck on two kids.

His wife discovered a text message I sent to his mobile when I needed money for the dilation and curettage procedure. She confronted him and he made up a story about me being a friend's girl. She then confronted me and I stuck to the same story.

I knew all this was bound to occur but I have fallen so deep I can’t walk out and he is the first ever guy to talk to me about plans involving a future.

I have never wanted marriage that’s why I chose to have a baby when I am capable of fending for it so that is why I do not mind being the other woman.

He says he wants a permanent bond out of this and he has been taken care of me in a mature way and truly speaking my future has a greater potential of being secure with him compared to an out of college young man yet to try make it in life.


Dear reader,

I see you seem to have a plan of how your life would go and it looks straightforward on paper.

With a plan seemingly as clear as the one you painted in your email, you should have no confusion but of course things are not always in clear black and whites, so, yeah, I think I understand a bit what the confusion is about.

On one hand, you are certain that this is the perfect man for the single mom life that appeals to you, and on the other you are still nursing a societally-imputed feeling of wrongdoing because the man you’re with has a family and as you must have heard, it isn’t such a great idea to be one who scatters a family.

So, yeah, being torn between what you want and what is right is something I can relate with. And if you ask me which one to pick, I’ll say do the right thing.

I understand how it must feel trying to live life on your terms and in the manner that pleases you most, but I need you to realise that any happiness gotten off the tears of another isn’t much of a thing to celebrate or be proud of.

If you are still dragging your feet about this issue, it’s because you still have a functioning conscience and I want you to let it steer you in the right direction.

Hopefully you do the right thing.__________Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

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A problem shared is a problem half-solved!