Dear Bukky,

I am married with three kids but my husband still treats me like nobody. He humiliates me inside and outside. He even beat me at their family gathering that I was talking to a man while serving. He never picks up his responsibilities fully. He doesn’t trust me so he hardly permits me to go out and he is the outing type. He will never go out with me even when I request it.

He will rather cancel the outing or humiliate me more. All he wants from me is to go to work. Come back home, take care of the kids, the house, cook for him and his friends and sleep.

Even on weekends I have never gone out for picnic with him and our children. I haven't witnessed one in the past and not that he’s not capable of these things.

The kind of job I do requires relaxation and refreshment of the brain. Aside that, I like hanging out with him but he will never allow it whenever I discuss it with him. His response has always been that I am a wife, not a girlfriend.

During weekends that he doesn’t have any outing, he will get up from the bed even before I wake up to be gisting and drinking with friends. That is where I will serve them breakfast, lunch even dinner. When he finally comes inside, all he does is to request sex during which I will even be the one doing all the work.

I have thought of divorcing him but I find it very difficult to do because I love him so much. What can I do?__________

Dear reader,

As far as I see, you have two choices – stay right there and keep bearing it or get the hell out as fast as you can!

He beats you? Three kids after and he cannot respect you enough to be seen with you in public? I think you should get out of that marriage.

Domestic violence is where the line has to be drawn as far as I am concerned. This is not a matter of prayer of family meetings or other stuff people might suggest to you. If he has no problem with hitting you, then you are perpetually in danger and that’s not what a marriage should be like. Your safety should never be negotiable. Domestic violence is grave and absolutely unacceptable. That man won’t stop. If he’s been doing it for so long even up till three kids have been born, I doubt he will ever stop.

I’d say communicate but that option has obviously been exhausted. You can’t afford to keep living in unhappiness like this. I agree and understand that you love him but really, we are not always meant to be with everyone we love. This is not what a marriage should be like. Please get out.

If you do not know how best to go about the divorce process, talk to a lawyer and if you think the costs would be too much for you, if you are in Lagos, please feel free to reach the Lagos state Government Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Teamhere. They should be of help.____________

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