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Relationship Talk My partner is secretive, complains a lot; should I end the relationship?

Why should my partner feel so furious when I check her Whatsapp messages?

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Relationship Talk


Dear Bukky,

I have been in this relationship for a couple of months now.

Initially she seemed to be all I ever wanted and hoped for, but at some point she started with complaints and gave threats of leaving to which I pleaded because I’ve always wanted the relationship to work.

We argued most times over things that are yet to happen.

I started getting paranoid and asked questions like “can you ever cheat on me?” and I get so furious when she replies with stuff like “you never can tell, things happen” or “If you do not give me reasons to, why should I?”

I’m wondering if this is right in any way or I’m the one being naïve here.

I believe cheating on a partner is never a mistake and no one in his right sense should want to do that to someone they proclaim to be in love with. It should not even be as excuse for a revenge in my opinion 

Likewise I’d like to know how open one should be in a relationship.

I know phones are private properties but how private can it be? Why should we have passwords?

Why should my partner feel so furious when I try checking Whatsapp on her phone, why can’t she talk to most people she refers to as her male friends in my presence?


Hello reader,

Thanks for sending this mail.

Before I address the issues in it, I feel the need to point out that these mails are received and addressed in an attempt to be helpful to those concerned and by posting it online, the story of the anonymous sender will help other persons, which is why posting these mails on this platform is important.

I hope you now understand why this has to be so.

Having cleared that, I’d like to state that forcing someone or pleading with them to stay in a relationship is never a good move, and you might never enjoy that relationship.

Loving someone/being in a relationship with them requires all the attention and dedication possible. So, when someone’s mind is not in a relationship, how does that even work?

You surely must have heard before that being in a relationship out of pity isn’t a cool thing, so if your girlfriend says she’s fed up and wants to leave, chances are that her mind is really and truly out of it, and begging her not to leave you only gives her all the power over you.

You might be better served letting her go. Let someone remain with you because they want to, not because they pity you. Most times, you won’t get anything good out of that relationship.

As for other questions you asked, I think they are just evidence of the fact that she wants out of the relationship, and she’s only still in it because you begged her, not because she really wants to be there.

Finally on the issue of openness in relationships, the need for passwords and all that, I think that depends on the situation in different relationships. What works in this relationship dies not work in others, so the level of openness and privacy in relationships depends on the partners in those relationships.

If your partner is furious that you are checking her messages, it could be because she does not check yours which makes it wrong [in my opinion] for you to check hers.

Like I said, this thing works differently in different situations.

Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?

Just send a mail containing your question and location to relationships@pulse.ng,  and I'll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

A problem shared is a problem half-solved!

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