"I'm losing attraction for my boyfriend because he's getting too fat"

joan

May 30, 2016 5:13 PM

The most common reaction is you’ll soon find yourself not wanting to connect with him intimately and you might even seek fulfillment outside of the relationship.

Dear Bukky,

I really dont know how to tell my man that his weight is killing the love and admiration I have for him? I truly dont want to leave him but hes doing nothing about his weight. I love him and hes an amazing guy, but I need him to put a bit more effort when it comes to his appearance. He’s gained at least 45 pounds since we’ve been together, which hasn’t been that long.

I do take care of myself by going to the gym and eating right. I also cook healthy meals for him and have encourage him to join me in the gym but he says he would then dont. Im tired of fighting but don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Thanks,

Sola

Dear Sola,

Thanks for your mail and I must say this is a very common issue in relationships these days. It's in deed hard to tell your other half you are not attracted to them anymore (which I sense in your case).

The most common reaction is you’ll soon find yourself not wanting to connect with them intimately (which it sounds like you’re already starting to experience), and you might even seek fulfillment outside of the relationship.

I hate to say it, but he’s either lazy, depressed, comfortable in the union, or thinks he’s fine the way he is. Either way, excessive weight gain and a lack of exercise is not healthy.

My advice is to be honest with him about how you feel. You've tried to be polite with the situation and have done things you can to help him. It's time to be blunt because your relationship is at risk. He's the one person you should be able to talk to, so do it. Remind him you love him and want the best for him and you. Also communicate to him the importance of getting healthy. Buy him a couple of items of clothing that you’d like to see him in.

Most importantly, try to find the source for this sudden change. Did he lose a job recently? Has a loved one passed away? There must be a reason for the sudden change in appearance. Do not seek to change him, but a bit of healthy encouragement to get him back on track can’t hurt. After that, let it go. You’ve communicated how you felt and why at this point. No need to nag. Now it’s time for him to decide if he agrees with what you’ve stated. If nothing changes, then unfortunately you’ll have a decision to make.

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Yours truly!

joan