Dear Bukky,

I think I have a problem, a very big one [for] that matter. I am 25, I have a girlfriend [and] we are in a very serious relationship.

But my problem is that I hardly [ejaculate] each time we have sex, many times I last more than 20 to 30 minutes and it keeps wearing her out, making her to complain that i am using drugs on her.

But the truth is I don’t use drugs, I have never used it in any form and I don’t intend using it ever.

This has caused a gap [in] our relationship. I have tried many times to make her understand but she seems to be bored each time I demand sex from her.

I am not the type that dives into sex without foreplay, I spend quality time on that. 

Beside she is not the first girl that has complained, couple of other girls that I have dated complained the same.

I have met only one girl that seemed to enjoy and like it.

Please advise me, I don’t want to lose her, I don’t even want to leave her, because she is a rare type. Rare in the sense that she gave up her virginity to me even though she was 23, something I find difficult to find.

Best regards


Dear reader,

I appreciate you for trusting me with this issue. Hopefully, we can find a solution to it together.

First things first, I need to mention to you that you are doing the right thing by spending loads of time on foreplay. That’s just the way to go about it.

You need to get her very wet [well prepared]  for eventual penetration so that the process will be easy and enjoyable for not just you, but for her, too.

However, I must mention that the average time considered ideal for a round of sex to last is somewhere between 5-8 minutes.

Apparently you can go longer than this without ejaculation, and no matter how bad you feel with yourself now, you should know that your situation is better than premature ejaculation.

Having said that, how do you enjoy sex and not make it boring for your partner?

I suggest you take breaks in between the act of penetration.

This is because after the woman gets wet from foreplay, somewhere along the line during penetration, she might become not-so-wet and this will make your thrusts quite uncomfortable and the enjoyment is of course taken out.

So what you should do is take breaks after every five or seven minutes and engage in some more foreplay to get her slick and ready for penetration again. Preferably with your fingers or some oral sex, depending on what suits you both.

Keep up this cycle of fingering, oral sex and penetration till you finally get to ejaculate.

This will require a lot of selflessness from you, but if you really are concerned about keeping her, then it is what you have to do.

I also suggest you speak with a medical doctor, just in case there might be a medical undertone to all of this.

Hopefully this brings back the fun and excitement to your relationship with your girlfriend.


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