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Relationship Talk "She has a boyfriend, but I have a huge crush on her"

I'm very confused as I don't know how to get her know how I feel about her.

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Relationship Talk


Dear Bukky,

I met her while in secondary school… while we were in JSS2 sometime in 2003/2004. 

She's fair in complexion and very good to behold, that's all I [can] describe her as.

She got the eyes of many, including mine. But she no longer got my eyes, my heart was in too.

Secondary school went on, she repeated a class in that same session seeing me and others [become] her senior [by one year].

The distance began as I no longer [saw] her daily as I [used] to. 

This distance grew till I [left] the school in 2008 without professing my love for her. She buckled up and also graduated a year after me. 

I lost contact with her from the day I left School and couldn't reach her social media for years. 

She has this Facebook account that I always stalked, dropped messages and eagerly awaited her response. 

No one in my set or hers has a number she can be reached through, this was so fustrating. 

One day in 2011 [when I was already in university] I suddenly recalled that she has an elder sister who was once our social prefect in the secondary school.

She's been a Facebook friend and her account seems to be operational. So I decided to send a private message to her requesting for ‘my love's’ number. 

I’d often revisit her wall and attach a reminder to my message. This messages weren't read and hence no hope of reaching out to her. 

In 2016 after my compulsory youth service in Kaduna, I decided to drop another message via her sister's Facebook account.  To my greatest surprise, I got a response stating her contact details.

I got thrilled to be reconnected [with] her, rehearsed a couple of times on how I'd introduce myself to her and possibly ask for a date with her in Abuja. 

Now, I've actually 'stopped loving' as it's over eight years since we [last] communicated.  After lots of rehearsals and performances, I placed the golden call. She picked up and I lost my confidence as her voice ignited something in me that day. 

She sounded happy to hear from an old time friend, I was so happy about her progress as she was then rounding up her service year too. 

Friendship [began again], various calls and chats, exchange of pictures etc.

Weeks passed by and I suddenly realized that I never stopped loving her over the years. In our interactions, I was meant to realize that she's in a relationship. 

I'm very confused as I don't know how to get her know how I feel about her.

Hi reader,

Thanks for sending in this mail.

On consideration, I think what you need is time. The issue here isn’t so much about what to say to her. It is more about when to say it to her.

I understand the frustration with loving someone and not being able to say it because she is with someone else.

And that is where I think the real difficulty is –  the fact that she is in a relationship at the moment. No matter how serious your interest is, your hands seem tied especially if she is happy in that relationship.

I can’t advise you to hope for her breakup, that will be unfair. The temptation to hope for the worst on that relationship will be there, of course, but you have to fight it off.

You stand to benefit from that breakup, but you cannot be the one to make it happen. That won’t be a good foundation for whatever relationship  you intend to start with her.

My point is, if she remains in that relationship, it doesn’t make much sense to be thinking of what to say to her to make her fall in love with you.

Might not be what you want to hear at the moment, but it’s the truth. Your best chance is to wait and see what happens. Till then, you’ve just gotta hold your peace, and hope.

Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family? Send a mail to relationships@pulse.ng

Don't be left out, stay updated on relationship tips and advice.

Yours truly!

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