In the article preceding this, it was written that comparisons have the capacity to frustrate you and make you and your partner unhappy.
In that article, which you can read here, it was added that when you allow for comparisons to the point that it starts to cause frustration for you or your partner, then you should know that soon enough, that relationship itself will cease to exist. [Except, of course, something is done.]
The question which needs to be answered now is this; how does comparison really kill the joy in your relationship?
We provide answers below:
You’ll forget what you really do have
It is easy to forget the good qualities of your partner if you allow yourself always engage in comparisons.
Laide’s boyfriend got her stuff that your boyfriend has not bought for you and you start to hassle him, forgetting that Laide’s boyfriend is never there for her, only gets her gifts.
Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is always there for you, and still buys you gifts!
You will be focused only on the negatives
When you allow for too much comparisons in your relationship, your attention will shift from the good things you love about your partner, and instead of appreciating the things you love about them, you keep nagging about the things you think they should be doing because your neighbour’s girlfriend does them.
You bring yourself down
Imagine the scenario painted above. The girlfriend who keeps making these comparisons will be so consumed by it that she gets herself unhappy and sad.
What she sees is that relationship is not necessarily better than what she has in her own relationship, but she’ll never know in her state of self-induced misery.
You will hurt your partner
If Chima keeps telling Sandra, his girlfriend, that he wishes she acts more like Rasheedah, what do you think Sandra’s reaction will be?
Embarrassment, disappointment, and annoyance in that sequence.
You will miss out on what you do have
If you are always talking about what is going on in other people’s relationships, where will you find the time to enjoy yours?
It breeds jealousy and resentment
Eventually, do not be surprised that you will find yourself hating on that your friend or partner whose relationship you think is perfect.
It is a waste of time and energy
Obsessing over someone else’s relationship is nothing but a waste of time and emotion.
Put that energy into magnifying the good things you already have in your relationship, and work on other things you would love to change in the relationship.
This should be at a pace and manner which is suitable to your relationship.