#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
Today’s edition of #PulseFirstLove is told by a Filipino woman who, for the briefest moment, had a perfect love with a Nigerian man; the type which fairy tales and romance novels are made of. She reminisces on the experience, it’s unforgettable moments and lessons learned.
Can you remember the first time you ever had a crush on someone or when anyone ever had a crush on you?
The first time I felt butterflies in my stomach was back in 2008. I was 12 years old. I met this talented, charming, little boy in the summer of 2008 at a Youth Camp in my province. He played a lot of musical instruments and he was genuinely kind to everyone, including me. We had some sort of connection on our first encounter. We both like arts, dancing, singing, and a whole lot of things. With our similarities, we became like buddies during the whole Youth Camp. Before the camp ended, he asked me to dance with him under the light of a thousand stars. He was not just my first crush but my first dance as well.
And how did that feel?
I felt like I was on cloud nine.
Let’s talk about the first time you truly fell in love
I have met several men in my life but only this year I experienced falling in love with someone I didn’t see coming.
Charles, a seafarer from Nigeria who was in the Philippines a month ago, was referred to me by one of my colleagues. I was not looking for love but love found me. I considered him as my serendipity. He came like the first soft rain in a long summer. Unexpected yet amazing. He came like the aurora in the early afternoon; unanticipated yet jarring. He came like the thunder in the morning; unpredicted yet dumbfounding. Twenty weeks had passed since he came into my life. Twenty weeks of happiness, understanding, patience, frustration, and love have showered us. Twenty weeks of bend and break. Twenty weeks of him and I. Him and I are destined to meet but are not meant for each other.
Awww. Describe what you had with him
Our relationship was like Taylor Swift’s song “Red”. As I quote, “Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly Loving him is like trying to change your mind Once you're already flying through the free fall Like the colors in autumn, so bright, just before they lose it all”
And what was the most memorable thing about this particular relationship?
There are a lot of memorable things in our relationship. I would always want to picture us cooking while dancing in my kitchen. Me calmly gluing my eyes at him to memorize his face and facial expressions while he was busy laughing and watching funny videos on his phone. And if I would be given a chance, I would always go back to the night when we saw each other.
What about that night?
It was drizzling that night. I got off from my car and saw him nervously standing outside his apartment. I didn't get the chance to fully see his face because we were wearing face masks. Then, we went inside and sat close to each other. I was so fucking nervous because I couldn’t believe he was just an inch away from me. I tried to look away to avoid catching his eyes because I knew I would melt. Then he held my hands and our eyes met. Then we hugged and damn he smelt good. I wanted to bury my face on his chest the whole time. I could even hug him for an hour.
Sounds so sweet
Then we had a little talk and a few laughs while listening to our favourite song “Forever” by Chike. Then, we kissed. Honestly it wasn’t a good kiss but we tried. LOL.
How long were you guys together for?
Charles and I started talking in June and we just physically saw each other in September. We officially got together in October and parted ways in November. As I quote, “Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”
And how did you take the breakup? How about him, how do you think he took the breakup?
For me, the breakup was like eating your favorite ice cream while crying under the rain. It was crazily sad. He was the man I wanted but not the love that I need. I am still grieving but I know I will get over him maybe not today but surely I will someday. I am not sure how he took our breakup. I wish he could answer that so I would know, too.
Now that you’re older, what do you think you might have done differently in the relationship?
I looked at him through rose-colored glasses. I should not have ignored the signs. I should have shown him my worth so he would know what to do.
You mentioned that you wish you didn't ignore signs... which signs might those be?
We have differences in political and social beliefs... we don’t agree on certain things as well.. he was not communicative and I expected a lot from our relationship
Biggest love/dating lesson you took from your first love experience?
Love slowly but surely. Also, always have open communication, respect, and honesty in the relationship.
Tell me about your first kiss - was it with this person or someone else? And how was it?
My first kiss was two years ago with the person I first dated. He kissed me under the lamppost back on 27th street in BGC Makati [Philippines]. It was passionate and pure.
First time you had sex - was it with this person or someone else
My first was with the guy I dated two years ago. After having dinner, we went to his place and had “Netflix and chill” thingy.
And how was that?
Our sex was raw and quick because it was unplanned. We started on his couch and ended on his bed. I loved the rush feeling, too.
Would you date him now?
I wouldn’t date him. I am not the type of person who goes back to people.
What is your love life like these days? Currently seeing anyone?
There are men who want to meet me but I am being careful this time. Charles told me that life is about choices and decisions we make. So, this time, I really want to choose what’s best and healthy for me.
One last one: do you believe that one’s first love is special? What are your thoughts on the subject?
Love is always special. The thing that makes it special is not about how many times you love but the learning you gathered from love. Charles was my first love. He will always be in my heart. He was special because he taught me to see my worth, to love unconditionally, to choose the things that are good for me, and to choose love over and over again.
There's more where this came from. Get all First Love Stories here.