#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
This week’s #PulseFirstLove is as introspective as it gets. Our subject is a young Nigerian man who looks back at the string of terrible decisions and hurtful actions he took when he was with the first woman he ever loved. He takes responsibility for his role in the relationship’s demise and speaks on how that particular experience has made him a better person.
Can you tell me about the first time you had a crush on anyone?
Secondary school, obviously. One very tall girl in my class then, which is very weird because I was pretty short throughout my secondary school days. My growth burst began after high school but that’s by the way. So, the babe I was crushing on back then, we used to lead assembly songs together. LMAO. That was when my crush began.
You wanted to turn Songs of Praise into Songs of Solomon
LOL. I guess you could say that. I also had this brief crush on one teacher like that because of her shape. But she was a very wicked teacher so that died very quickly.
Did anyone crush on you that you knew of?
Like I said earlier, between the two years after I graduated high school and gained admission to uni, I had grown so much that people who knew me in secondary school were always shocked at how rapidly I grew. So in my 100L, I had a lot of babes crushing on me. It was a wild time.
Did any relationship come out of those?
No, not that I knew of.
Lmao. What the hell man
Yes oh. Someone could be dating you and you wouldn’t know.
Haha. There’s that
I know I got close to a number of girls and hoeing was very easy because they already liked me, but I didn’t do any of that dating thing. Mans was too young to be thinking of love.
How old were you at this point?
So when did you meet your first love?
400L. Love at first sight, man. It was love at first sight.
Tell me about it
She was a new student on campus who got lost and needed help. Luckily for her, she asked me and I was going in the same direction. So we walked together to the place. Incidentally, her class didn’t hold and mine didn’t hold either. I saw her when I stepped out to go back to the hostel and that was when we started talking. She was a direct entry student who had always wanted to come to that uni because both her parents did. We sha gisted a lot that afternoon. I ended up buying her lunch and getting her phone number. That was how we became friends. Six weeks after, I asked her if she’d like to date me and she said yes. I should add that at that point, it was very obvious that we both liked each other from the very beginning. We confessed that much to each other. We had even kissed a few times. Me asking her was just to make it formal because at that point, it felt logical like the next logical step to take. And to be frank, I really liked her and even though I hadn’t been thinking of a relationship before I met her, all that changed the more we spent time together.
Aww. That’s so cute.
And how was your relationship with her?
Disastrous. Short-lived. But it was entirely my fault sha.
You know how I mentioned that I was not thinking about starting a relationship when I met her? That was because I still had unfinished business with many of my girls at that time. I knew commitment was a requirement the moment I got into a relationship. I just didn’t know that it would be that difficult. So I was still having things on the side while we were dating. And I was very bad at it so she knew before long.
How did that play out?
The first time she found out, she forgave me. This was about two months into the relationship. I pleaded so much and promised to change and sincerely, I intended to. I just found out that I could not. So in less than two weeks, I was back at it again.
I know. It was bad of me but I was what? Maybe 22 at the time and full of stupid decisions. You know what’s funny?
She never knew that there was more than one girl. That was how useless I was. Both times she saw evidence of me cheating, she thought it was just one babe I was doing it with. She left me the second time sha. She said a second chance was all she had.
How many side babes did you have?
I was smashing 2 throughout the duration of the relationship. But they could have really been more because I was literally flirting like I was still a single person.
Tell me more about that breakup. How did you feel?
One theory I have now that I’m older is that; I should not have dated that girl. I just messed her up. It was very bad oh. I actually didn’t feel any remorse so I didn’t bother to apologise when she confronted me that second time. I just let her go. But I felt like shit for the next two weeks because I later heard that she cried a lot and even fell sick after the breakup. That actually got to me.
Did you reach out to her after that?
I had one more year in uni at this point so that kinda helped. And thankfully our paths didn’t cross much in that one year. But we did see occasionally and it was awkward. At the very end sha, I apologised. That was just before my final exams and people were signing on my shirt. I ran into her and asked if she’d like to sign too. While she was signing, I offered an apology and told her how sorry I was that I messed things up so badly.
What did she say?
Nothing. She finished signing, gave me a hug, wished me the best, and went her way.
See, I was scum oh. LOL. That’s why when people speak about their first love as being the best or with find memories, I usually can’t relate. Mine was bad. Very bad.
You sound like someone whose next relationship after this was very loving
LOL. Yes it was, actually. Happened during my NYSC year. I served in Lagos and it was great while it lasted.
She left me for someone else. I sometimes think of it as Karma getting back at me for doing bad in my first relationship because this time around, I was very intentional about faithful and honest in the relationship. LOL. Las las, na tears end am.
How’s your love life like these days?
I’m not dating anyone right now. But I guess we shall see. I have my eyes set on someone I met recently. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. We shall see.
On the chance that y’all see again, would dating your first love ever cross your mind?
Those chances are slim oh because she’s now abroad. But if she’s anything like she was back in the day, why not? Whether she’ll have me is now the question sha.
There's more where this came from. Get all First Love Stories here.