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Pulse First Love: ‘I remember her as the ex with bad breath’

January 21st 2022, 4:45:04 pm

11 years, and that’s the thing I remember most about her.

Pulse First Love: The Bad Breath Edition

#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.

The ‘Pulse First Love’ series is winding down after about a year, as we pivot to telling stories from another aspect of relationships: breakups. But in the meantime, here is one more edition of ‘Pulse First Love’ and the subject of this story weirdly remembers only one thing about his first girlfriend - and it’s not something pleasant. At all.

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Humour me. When do you think the ideal time to fall in love for the first time is?

I think it happens for different people at different stages and at different periods of their lives.

I know. But if you were to say; when do you think it should be? Give me a range

I think 16-19 for guys; although I think babes’ own will likely be earlier considering the fact that boys would have started showing interest in them anytime from like 14 or so.


I mean boys their age o. Although we can’t rule out the stupid older guys that would try to prey on these little girls in the name of ‘catching them young’ too.

There’s that, sadly. So I’m guessing your first love happened for you around that 17-19 bracket?

Sorry to disappoint you sir. LOL. By that time, I think I was already in my third relationship, I think.

Wait, what?!

I swear down [long laughter]

Wait wait, let’s talk about this thing. You mean, you had dated three people as at 19? I hail you

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I don’t think that’s strange sha. Please tell me it’s not strange

LMAO. It’s not strange 🌚🌚

Ahaha. Yeah right.

Jokes aside though, let’s talk about this thing. If you had had three before 20, when was your first?

15, I think. And funny enough, it felt natural at the time. I was among the youngest boys in my set in secondary school but I was very popular because I was book smart. Still am. But also because many teachers liked me. My pops used to give them money a lot as he was the PTA something something. So I had a lot going for me. Like, the stars aligned for me, kinda. I got prefectship, I was made head of the debate team, and played drums in the band. So, yeah, when boys started having girlfriends then, I naturally got one as well.

Baddest. So tell me how that went. The very first one

She had bad breath. That, oddly, is the thing that has stuck with me most through the years. It’s been what now, 11 years? Yeah. 11 years, and that’s the thing I remember most about her.

Omo x 11

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LMAO. Bro, please.

I hear you. But do you remember anything else? How were you guys as a couple and also did you not know about the breath thing before you got with her?

I think I did but young me, it wasn’t much of an issue because she was very fine. Darkskin, smooth skin… very pretty in that secondary school-ish way that used to trip us back then. Yeah, I think being seen as the boyfriend of the finest girl in SS2 was more important than caring about her breath issues. We were also cute together. I still have photos of us somewhere in the depths of my Facebook account, I’m sure. We quarreled occasionally but I can’t remember much anymore about that. We sha broke up eventually. Must be over something inconsequential because I can’t even remember it

Don’t think anyone would want to be remembered as the ex with the bad breath

Not really no. But it’s my brain. That’s one of the things it has chosen to remember and I can’t help it.

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Have you run into her anytime since secondary school?

Not really. Used to keep up with her through Facebook when that was the rave but we never carried it off to Instagram and I really don’t go on Facebook anymore; so I don’t know much about her. Last I heard though she studied abroad so she’s likely somewhere in Europe right now.

Looks like her memory with you is fixed for life

LOL. Sadly.

Tell me about the other two relationships you had before 19

One was this babe in our estate and the other one was my girlfriend in uni. The one in our estate was the first person I slept with. Or should I say she slept with me because I was a virgin then and she wasn’t. And my uni girlfriend was the first person that broke my heart and actually made me cry.

That character building had to happen sooner or later

Yup. That babe broke me in like 68 places. I cried oh, I can’t even lie.

Sorry about that.

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Yeah yeah. That was the first and last time sha. Like you said, it was for character building and as we are right now; the character don build finish. No more tears here abeg.

As per big boys don’t cry

You can say that again, chief.


There's more where this came from. Get all First Love Stories here.


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