Pulse First Love: He was a devil in sheep’s clothing

What happens when you hold out for the perfect love but still get it horribly wrong when you take the leap? This 22nd edition of #PulseFirstLove follows the story of a Nigerian woman who has lived through this experience. All 21 previous editions in this series can be found here.

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What’s your earliest recollection of loving anyone?

NYSC. There was this guy who totally swept me off my feet. He was quiet, cute and was mad interested in me. He didn’t even have to do too much because me too I liked him back. So, yeah, that is my earliest memory of genuinely loving anyone.

And how did that turn out?

Ah. Disaster o. Big disaster! You know how they always say ‘don’t judge a book by its cover?’

Yes

Ehen. Na that guy dem dey describe. He was a huge disappointment. Baba nla fraud.

Wawu. I’ll get back to this but let’s back up a bit

Ok

Were there any previous relationships before this one? I ask because it’s not everyday you see people who didn’t date anyone before NYSC

True. I actually had a lot of people who were interested in me. Right from secondary school sef. I can remember clearly married men trying to get into my panties when I was in secondary school.

What?

Yes now. Shey Nigerian men have shame? That’s how when I recently saw people on social media having that conversation about Nigerian men moving to girls before their 18th birthday, it didn’t shock me at all. I could relate so well with it. I finished secondary school at 16. So imagine men chatting shit to me in SS1. Guy, SS1 o. Nigerian men belong in the gutter. I’m not even sorry to say that.

No offence taken. I’ll chin that one

Lol. It is what it is. So with all the stuff my mother had to say about avoiding men, and me seeing it first-hand how men would be making those awful advances at me, it was so easy to stay off men. They are out to ruin your life, clearly.

All the way till NYSC?

Uhhmm… not exactly sha. I kinda softened up a little and went out with a few cute guys in uni but in the end, nothing materialised from those things because even those ones sef, their heads were not so correct.

LMAO. You dey para

Remembering what those idiots did always annoy me. There was this one in particular whom I met in fellowship. I mean, I used to like going to church a lot in the past. Oh, and let me quickly add that church boys and fellowship boys are some of the worst. Especially if they dress so well and are in the choir or ‘welcome to church’ department, sis, you better focus on yourself.

Wow. Everyone is getting dragged today

Shebi that was how that one was dragging my panties with me when we went to get ice cream one night on campus.

Screaming. What?

Yes now. The church guy I was telling you about. He was so cute and charming and all. He’d been asking for us to hangout for months so I decided to give it a shot. The first time nothing happened. It was the second time that his true colour jumped out. He just wanted the pussy and felt that after two ice cream dates, the coast should be clear. That was how I kuku locked up and went back to curving men till I graduated.

Guess that brings us back to the NYSC story

Ah, yes. Another disappointment.

Lol. Tell me how the relationship went

Like I said earlier, he was charming and seemed to have eyes only for me. He didn’t look like the kind of guy that would do the things I later found out he was capable of, and the signs in the beginning were great. So I agreed to date him. And when I say date him, I mean exclusively. Sadly, I was the only one interested in the exclusivity. He was dating me and at least two others.

Oh

Yep. Right from the onset. Like, there were others before I was even brought into the picture. And it’s crazy when you consider that I went into that relationship with a lot of hope and good intentions. I mean, that was my first time letting down my guard completely. My so-called first love. Mind you, I hadn’t had sex at this point, I only had a head full of romantic things I and my boyfriend would do, the sacrifices I’d make, all the love and good vibes that I was willing to attempt. Omo, I was just sleeping on top bike las las. Na tears end everything.

And how did you find out about the other girls?

He had a secret phone and I somehow stumbled on it. The phone was not passworded because I was not supposed to even find it at all. I sha read messages with one particular contact, sent screenshots to myself as evidence and all that. But did that stop this guy from trying to distort facts and make me second guess myself?

I guess not

Of course it didn’t. The bastard was still trying to gaslight me and blame me for snooping.

Wawu

You know what’s worse, I only knew about one extra girlfriend when I broke up with him. It was months after I had broken up with him and returned from NYSC that I now heard that there was even another one. That one was the major girlfriend. LMAO. He was cheating on her with us. Imagine,

Omo. How old were you when this happened?

23.

Obviously, having that as a first experience must have hurt like crazy

Like crazy o. And I will admit it; it hurt more because we had sex. I am, or let me say I was one of those babes who were taught to see sex as a treasure, something you give to someone you loved and all that. So, for me to have kept it till that stage only to now give it to that devil in sheep’s clothing actually made me feel like a fool. And frankly, that hurt like crazy. I cannot even form that it didn't.

So sorry. And how did your love life get affected by that early experience?

I didn’t date for a long time o. I’m 29 and married now. My husband was the next person I dated after that situation and we began dating when I was about to clock 27. So I took my time. When I decided to give this one a chance sef, I just decided to try it because he was so persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I can say I’m glad he persisted. He’s a good man.

Awww.

Lol. I hope he doesn’t read this sha so that his head won’t swell too much

Don’t worry. This will be anonymously done.

Ah. Nice. Keep me anon please.

Biggest lesson you learnt from that first love experience?

That all the things they say about men are true. If I saw a million stories in one day about men being heartless scheming bastards, I’d believe every single one. And it’s weird because they do these evil things most times just to get pumpum. It does not matter if your life gets ruined in the process. You’re just collateral damage to them.

Wow. That’s heavy

And just as true.

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