Pulse First Love is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
Pulse First Love: He took so much from me and gave nothing back
The relationship was toxic and selfish.
The subject of today’s #PulseFirstLove is a Nigerian woman in her mid-20s who talks about feeling used in her first relationship. She says that period was a dark one for her; full of toxicity, selfishness, abuse, and unhappy memories. How does it feel to date a man who selfishly takes everything from you and puts you down at every opportunity he gets? This story you are about to read captures it accurately.
Can you remember the first time a guy asked you out?
I’ll say the first time I remember was in my first year in school. I went to the bank and this guy walked up to me to introduce himself. He said he had been seeing me around for a bit and wanted to know if I was new and stuff like that. He sha asked for my number last last and I gave him. Men and format.
Let’s talk about your first love. When did that happen?
Oh, I ended up dating that guy. This was sometime around 2014/2015. I’m not so sure anymore. But yeah, he was on my case, and I decided to give it a shot. You know how this thing goes. In the beginning, it was glorious. We were so in love, everything was rosy. In fact, things were so great between us that I was already imagining us getting married, growing old together, raising kids together… you know, going all the way together. But it ended in tears. Like literal tears.
I’m so sorry to hear that
How long were you together?
4 months. We were together for four dramatic months. Like, we went from intense joy and beautiful companionship to something else entirely and it happened so fast. So, so fast. I mean, the most memorable thing from all of this was how he slapped me across the face one day.
Wow. What led to that?
I had just given him money that evening. So he went out to get something then a message popped up on his phone. had to read it and it was from a girl he had just sent money to. He also told her that he loved her and he was also begging her to come see him. Naturally, I was very angry to see that. So when he returned, he was trying to play with me and I told him to stop as I was not in the mood. So I returned to playing with my phone, He dragged the phone from me and I was so pissed that I hit him on his chest. He retaliated with a hot slap and asked me to leave his house. Mind you, this was around 10 or 11pm. I even thought he was joking until he dragged me out and locked the door. See, I’d just say the whole of that relationship was so toxic, abusive and selfish.
Tell me about the selfish bit.
So he had this habit of asking me for money and collecting money from me at every chance he got. And I’d give him when It didn’t even mean that much until he started telling me to go ask my friends for money when I had none to give him. And that was how I knew I couldn’t be with this kind of person anymore.
Again, I’m so sorry
Thanks. And you know what’s crazy? I still couldn’t leave. He was still the one who ended the relationship. And I was so, so heartbroken. I was even depressed for a bit. Now that I am older and I look back on that period, I definitely should not have stayed that long. I should have just dumped him when he started asking for too much money. Always taking from me, but hardly giving anything back.
I feel you
That experience also taught me to do better than begging men for love or letting them determine my self-worth. Definitely learned that from being in that relationship.
I wanted to ask about your first kiss
Oh. It was with this same guy. And guess what happened on that occasion.
He said I was a terrible kisser.
Yeah. That’s pretty much how most of the relationship went. Toxic, selfish, manipulative. But I’m just happy I moved on. I moved on far far away from him. Right now we are not even on the same, or on the same level. Over my dead body would I ever date him or anyone like him ever again.
Is there any idea/thought or concept you previously had about love and relationships that you now consider wrong or inaccurate?
Oh. Yes! I actually thought at some period in my life that when you are in love you should be able to sacrifice anything for the relationship even if it cost you your happiness. But that was so, so wrong of me. I’ve seen the light now.
What’s your love life looking like these days?
I am currently single. I plan on dating this year but not in the sense of a traditional relationship. I won’t be falling in love.
Sounds interesting. How does that work?
Well, nothing extra… I’ll just be doing what a girlfriend does in a relationship but without any special feelings.
Alright. That sounds fascinating. Wish you the best at it.
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