Pulse First Love is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
This #PulseFirstLove story is wholesome and totally relatable if you have ever had someone love you exactly how you wanted to be loved, or if you’re hoping to find that kind of love sometime soon. Our subject is a woman who tells of an unforgettable period in her life when she had the kind of love everyone hopes to get and forever hold on to. This is the 21st edition of this series. All earlier stories are just as beautiful - and they're all here.
Tell me the First time you ever had a crush on someone
I was in Primary 5 and I am not even sure whether I only liked him because he was very intelligent. Lol. And then he also became the headboy. Yeah. That is the first crush I had that I can remember clearly.
How about the first time anyone had a crush on you?
The first time someone had a crush on me clearly was in secondary school. He was a transfer student in my school and we were just in SSS1 at the time. Everyone knew. The crush was so big and obvious. I liked him but I wasn’t interested in any secondary school relationship at the time. But he moved on to another girl. And I was like what?! Lol.
How did it feel that first time having someone crushing on you?
It felt good. Apart from the senior boys trying to prey on junior girls. I think that was the first time someone genuinely showed an interest in me. He always wanted me to be happy. He was a day student and he was kinda rich. We also had a lot of interests in common. He’d buy me comic books, he also liked rap - Lil Wayne was our fave then -yeah, you know, I liked him like that but I guess I just wasn’t interested in all that secondary school romance stuff then. And then I also became a prefect.
How old were you at this point?
Tell me about the first time you really, truly fell in love
Well, there was this one guy I was with but I am not sure if that was love I felt for him -
Tell me about the one you are very sure of
Oh. The one I’m sure of?
Ok. There was this guy. He was the first person I actually fell in love with. I can’t even tell how we began to date because, like I said, there was someone else that I was not sure if I was in love with or not - but this particular guy, both of us just came together. All of this happened in a place where I wasn’t with my folks or siblings. I had just finished secondary school and I was waiting for admission. He was in school already but it was just so easy with him. Falling in love with him felt natural, so easy. It was not even as if I was looking to have a boyfriend. We just went with the flow and then he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I feel you
You know now, before you date anybody you have to first think about many things - their family, siblings, what he does, if he is responsible, his perspective on some issues, all that. But then we were just friends living in the same neighbourhood. He was 18, in the UNI. He was also very intelligent. Lol. I think I have a thing for smart people. Maybe that’s my problem -
Nuh. That can’t be a problem. Lol.
I guess so. He’s so smart. He was studying to be an engineer and you know, we sha started dating and this guy was just all over me and it was beautiful. I’d never been in a relationship and this guy legit just brought me to the realisation of what relationships should be. Infact, now I kinda feel like I have too much expectations based on the kind of relationship I had with him.
I doubt that. I don’t think you wanting to be as happy and content as you were with this guy counts as having too much expectations sha.
Thank you so much.
Gatchu. So, back to the conversation. You were gisting me about the kind of relationship you had with your first love
Yeah. We never went on dates like people do now. Our ‘dates’ were just us staying at home, making food, eating, all that. There was a time he said he wanted to repaint his room and I was like cool, let’s do it. It’d be fun! And we did it! It was just fun. I was having fun with my boyfriend, that was what I saw it as. He also taught me how to make boli with an over. Then when he went back to school in another part of town, I’d go visit him there and we’d cook, gist, have fun again. This time, with his friends. It was never about the money or anything. I mean, he was a student anyway. But it was just about us being together, being happy. And we never even had sex. Sex was never in the picture. We never thought about it, it was never a problem. Whenever I think of this relationship, I just laugh and it makes me so happy. We were obviously making out but no sex. I’d not had sex at the time and he probably had not either but we were just happy together.
Nice. Feels so good to actually hear all this. I was going to ask for your happiest memories with him but I guess I don’t have to anymore
Hahaha. I guess so too.
But I’d have to ask about you guys breaking up now. Tell me about that.
Well, we dated for a year and then I left for school in Uyo. We were both in Akure before. And it was not even like I left and came back. I left and I never went back there. My stay there was temporary anyway. My family was permanently based in Abuja, so I left for a very long time and we didn’t see each other until after 5 years. He moved to Lag as well. I lost my phone, changed numbers… all that stuff. It was not a bad break up at all. Things just happened.
So you guys had outgrown all that when you finally reconnected?
No one tried to rekindle the stuff you had going?
No o. We never tried to. I think the last time we saw, he was dating someone or something. We are very close sha. He is on all my social media and we’re cool but we didn’t try to bring it back.
Well, life’s funny so you never can say never
He’s out of Naija now guy.
Well, like I said, things dey occur
Lol. Ok o.
What do you think you may have done differently if you could go back in time?
Nothing. Except trying to make things longer than it was. Yeah, I think I’d loved us to be together for longer. But hey, we were young and innocent and we could not handle long distance, you know. I don’t regret anything sha. Nothing at all.
Yeah. You know, after being with him, the standard just rose. Every other relationship I went into, it was as if the other guys felt I was asking for too much. I mean, how can we be dating and you can’t hold me, hug me, you can’t post my picture, we can’t connect, cook and do stuff. See, I couldn’t even date anyone for a while after him. And since him, my longest relationship has lasted only six months. I’ve dated only three people anyway.
Yeah. All of them are just somehow. Even the ones I tried to do talking stage with, there was always this disconnect. Like, they were incapable of actually doing love things with me. And that was when I kinda realised that this guy may have raised the bar so high for me now. I mean, this guy held me everywhere we went to. On the road o, anywhere, people knew us. He loved me shamelessly, always hugging me. We could stand on a spot and talk and talk. We were just so bonded like that. He was very sweet to me and no one has ever been able to treat me that way since then. Now I am single and mostly disinterested in relationships. Because why can’t I just find someone good looking, well brought up, expressive, considerate and respectful like him? I mean, we really should have just gotten married. LMAO.
There’s someone like that out there. You’ll see. You’ve had it once, you can have it again.
Yeaaaah. I guess so.
Biggest lesson you took out of that relationship?
I think we were content and committed to each other. I mean, he was in school and I was not. We were young, there were many girls. Of course he would have seen many and many of them but his loyalty to me was never in question and he never made me feel less of myself. I dated this guy one time who was always telling me that he prefers light-skin ladies and that he does not know what kinda jazz I did for him to be with me. Of course I am dark skinned and I could never understand what was going on in his head when he used to say that. All other relationships made me feel less but he made me feel like the best thing in the world. No matter what, he always had eyes for me. And I think that is something I won’t ever forget.
And I think that is how to love. And also, it is important to show people you love that you love them. It’s not enough to think it, express it. Your partner will be happy and satisfied with that love. I mean, I could do anything for that guy because I knew he obviously, visibly loved me.
Any love or marriage ideas you had when you were younger that you no longer believe in?
I hated marriage when I was younger.
Yeah Maybe it was the things I saw when I was younger, maybe it was the movies I watched but I definitely didn’t like the idea of marriage. I just wanted to adopt kids and have a big family.
Has that changed?
Well, I still want a big family and I still want to adopt kids. Lol.
What’s something you wish I asked, that I didn’t?
What I like in men. Hahahaha.
Oh really? Oya tell me now. What do you like in men?
I like a man that is very caring. I like a guy that shows me love like, you are not just feeling it in your heart, you are expressing it. Any way you think you can express love to me, just do it. I like guys who are expressive with their love. So, yeah, that’s it.
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