The Male Manual: Should your female friend have ‘benefits’?

This is an exclusive Pulse blog by writer, Folarin Okunola. "...Say for example, she’s the type that is comfortable being naked in front of you, in those moments, you have to decide whether she’s your sister from another mother..."

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Well, yes and no, but before I go on, let’s clarify that everything I will say in this article is strictly my opinion and constructive criticism, suggestions and thoughts are welcome.

Friendship, like everything else in today’s world is very relative. I say this because different things, situations work differently for different people. That being said, there are some basic requirements for every kind of friendship. Some of these include, but are not limited to, companionship, support (emotional and material), camaraderie, loyalty and care, generally speaking. Now, friendship also comes in different forms, and can be between people from any strata and level of life. Old people have young friends, guys have female friends, little kids have imaginary friends, and so on. But for the purpose of this article I’d like to focus on inter-gender friendships, particularly male and female friendships.

Traditionally, human beings are naturally inclined to form friendships with people of the same gender but this is 2015 and the whole world is going crazy so things are very different from back in the day. You hear girls all the time saying they prefer male friends to female friends. Some girls say your female friend is more likely to fuck your man or tell half of the hostel about that random cute guy you shagged in the toilet at Quilox while your guy friend is most likely to keep his mouth shut. Not that these aren’t genuine concerns or anything, but the truth is your guy friend can also be a fuck boy and tell the entire football team about your love for light-skinned igbo boys who don’t mind a quickie at the spot where half of the island people come to empty their kidneys, but I digress. You see, there really isn’t any sure formula as far as these things go so you could have a female friend and she’d be all you ever wanted in a friend and at the same time you could have a male friend who’ll help with that abusive boyfriend and vice versa. Anything is possible.

But if as a guy, you have a female friend, things can get really awkward from time to time. Depending on how close you both are and how your relationship works, there will be times when you’ll be faced with tricky situations that will challenge your ability to be a friend and your capabilities as a man. Say for example, she’s the type that is comfortable being naked in front of you, in those moments, you have to decide whether she’s your sister from another mother or if her breasts look just like Kim Kardashian’s. However, it may also not matter to you what her naked body looks like and if she would be good to fuck doggy style or cowgirl style, simply because you’re not attracted to her like that or maybe because you have a girlfriend who you love so much and whom your mother already says you have to marry. But if you are both single (or not) and most likely not getting a lot of bedroom time with members of the opposite sex, it’s a different ball game entirely. You have to either quench your desires or make a move, which may or may not turn out positively for you. And this brings us to the question of the day: Should you have regular (or irregular) coitus with your female friend?

People say sex is an emotional act and there are a lot of spiritual shenanigans going on during the act but like before I say yes and no. The truth is, there are people who can have sex without involving any emotion – a very popular example would be porn stars. The problem is not everybody has the same kind of emotional strength to compartmentalize the way these very entertaining actors do. So why do I say yes, you can have sex with your female friend? Because the both of you may be able to not make it about emotion (although on the long run, that will most likely not happen) but simply about fulfilling your sexual desires with someone you’re familiar with rather than some random person. In fact, there are people who only have sex with each other, after which everyone goes back to their lives. The point is, if you both can keep it strictly as a sex thing without complicating things, then yes, it can work.

On the flip side, women are generally more thought of as the more emotional ones and oftentimes sex is a big deal for them. They have to feel some type of way about you before they have sex with you and if they don’t at first, the emotions could build up over time. Also, men have been known to form hard guy and then catch all the feelings meant for Caitlyn Jenner in one fell swoop or after a couple shags. This is the main reason why you shouldn’t have sex with your female friend, guys. Yes, I know you’re a bad guy and you’re as ‘nigga-lly’ as they come but for your sake and hers, it may be a bad idea. Once things start to heat up emotionally, you discover that things that used to be easy to handle are suddenly like quantum physics to you. From there, the only way is down, and most times, even after you both stop having sex, your relationship is usually too damaged beyond repair.

I could go on and on but those of you reading probably already have some experience with this and know what I’m talking about so I’ll just leave it.

Verdict: Unless you’re both absolutely sure you can make it work without complicating your relationship negatively, do all you can to NOT have sex with your female friend, even if she wants to or is pressuring you to do it. Losing a friend especially a good one over sex is one of the most stupid things you could do. End of.

Till next time, may God bless and keep us and ours.

If you have suggestions on what topic I should talk about next on #TheMaleManual or thoughts and opinions on this article, tweet at me @FxlvrinOA.


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