The Male Manual: Girlfriend – Best friend Dynamics.

This is an exclusive Pulse blog by writer, Folarin Okunola. "...A lot of men make this mistake of failing to distinguish clearly between who should play what role and usually pay for it..."

Three children act out jealous scene

The girlfriend v best friend war forever wages on and if you don’t mediate it properly, you could lose one, or worse, two amazing people. Having a female best friend in today’s world, as a man, is one of the most difficult things about being in a relationship.

The problem with this sort of relationship is you. Your girlfriend doesn’t think you should have any other ‘best friend’ asides from – and she is partly right – her, and your best friend (whom you’ve probably known longer than your girlfriend) doesn’t think because you’ve met a new girl, she should be relegated to the background. Why do I say your girlfriend is partly right? Well, when you are in a relationship with someone whom you have deep-seated feelings for, that person should be the person you’re closest to.

This is the person you should talk to about any and everything first. This person should be the one that you bleed your heart out to when you’re at your worst, ideally speaking at least. Essentially, this person should be your best friend. But you already had a best friend, you say. Well, if you were going to fall in love with this best friend and have a relationship with this person, that would have, or should have happened already. When you decide to date an entirely different person, the person you’re dating should automatically be of greater importance to you. But your best friend is also important, you say. Yes, but not as much as your girlfriend.

A lot of men make this mistake of failing to distinguish clearly between who should play what role and usually pay for it. I’m not saying your best friend is no longer of any use to you – you’d definitely need an objective perspective on things from time to time – I’m saying the role they play should NEVER supersede that of your girlfriend. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to your best friend about stuff or that your girlfriend should determine the dynamics of your relationship with your best friend. It simply means your girlfriend should be the person you’re closest to and your best friend can be the person you’re next closest to.

Another important thing to be aware of is making sure you don’t make your girlfriend feel like she has to compete with the best friend for top spot. This almost never ends well. You have to make her feel secure about her position in your life and clarify your relationship with your best friend to her. She has to know that she can trust you to not blur the lines between your relationship with her and your relationship with your best friend. Seek your best friend’s opinion or input ONLY after you’ve spoken to your girlfriend first. Also, be wary of talking about your relationship to your best friend. Yes, they may have useful insight on how to tackle a certain problem, but you have to be careful when seeking advice from any woman that isn’t your girlfriend.

Furthermore, your girlfriend and best friend should NEVER have any kind of personal relationship between themselves, this will most likely end in drama that you will not be able to handle. Women are naturally more petty than men, and before you know what’s happening, you’re swimming in drama and wondering why you made that introduction. They can be casual acquaintances but nothing more. On the other hand, if you all are as mature as you should be, it can work, but there are just too many moving parts in that scenario so it not advisable.

Now I know a lot of people have best friends who have been there for them through tough times and helped them get up from the darkness of life. If you fall in this category you may think I’m encouraging you to be a bastard person to this wonderful person who has supported and helped you even before you met Ada Ada. Unfortunately, you would be wrong. There will always be things you can talk to your best friend about that your girlfriend won’t be able to understand. There will always be ways your best friend will be able to help you that your girlfriend won’t. All I’m saying is, define each of their roles clearly and carefully, and be sure your girlfriend doesn’t get a lesser role, if you want peace of mind at least. Also, I think it goes without saying that you shouldn’t have sex with your best friend.

Finally, if your girlfriend is the type that doesn’t even want to hear that you have a woman best friend, then maybe you don’t need to be with her. You woman shouldn’t want to, or try to, decide who you keep, or don’t keep, as friends. Note that this rule also applies to you as a man. You cannot tell your girl who she can, or cannot, have as friends. If there is an issue in this regard, you both should talk about it, reach a reasonable compromise that is satisfactory to the both of you and move on.

Verdict: The relationship between a man and his girlfriend, and a man and his best friend should ALWAYS be mutually exclusive with the relationship with his girlfriend maintaining a higher priority. And a man should not be having coitus with anyone that isn’t his girlfriend while he’s in a relationship. End of.

Till next time, may God bless us and ours.

If you have suggestions on what topic I should talk about next on #TheMaleManual or thoughts and opinions on this article, tweet at me @FxlvrinOA.

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