What is the secret of being married and staying happy while at it? What are the things that are fool-proof, tested and trusted when it comes to getting married and staying married?
These questions have been answered over and over again but remain relevant from one generation to another especially in these parts, and require dynamic answers which reflect societal changes and behavioral shifts of each stage of civilization.
In this present age of millennial and generation Z-ers where social media is a way of life, where happiness is craved over and above everything else including marital longevity and gender equality is being sought more than ever before, how does one stay married and happy at the same time, and forever?
Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde has an opinion worth listening to
The iconic superstar actress, married for over 20 years, surely knows one or two things about being married and staying so. In her opinion, shared exclusively with Pulse Nigeria, having a healthy marriage cannot be separated from the very choice of who to do it with, the amount of information you let out about your relationship and the supernatural influence of God.
“Just pray to God that you meet the right person because no matter how good you are a bad person will bring out the worst of you and trust me there’s a demon in everyone,” she tells Pulse.
“So I think something I know very sure is; from the onset, when you are meeting someone, make sure you have God. And I know this might sound crazy but it’s the truth. I can’t say what I don’t know. That’s what I know."
There’s extra emphasis on making the right choice, choosing someone whose character traits complement yours, and whose values align with yours rather than being at odds with them.
Omotola [inevitably] uses her marriage to Capt. Tunde Ekeinde as an example of personalities that meld in a complementary manner. She says of herself and her boo that:
“I know who I am; I am a very confident person. He is that person as well. He is very self-confident so we don’t need… [you know what I mean]. We can both stand on our own. We know that we coming together is to complement each other. I don’t need you, you don’t need me.
“So it’s not like I’m depending on you or you’re depending on me and we respect each other’s space and each other’s minds.”
Omotola on marriages and social media
“Having said that, if God is already the foundation of your relationship and you guys come together on that part, you can also help yourself… by just being modest. It doesn’t take anything.
“I know that this generation and this time we’re in is very difficult to not want to put everything out there… But I think you need to work on yourself. You know, if you have to struggle to hold yourself from putting something out there, there’s nothing wrong with you actually.
“There was a time when I decided to just go off. I don’t read blogs; I don’t know what blogs are saying. There was a time when I thought I would die just not knowing what is going on. In fact there was a time I was defending it. I was like ‘I’m an actor, I should know. And then at a point I’m like you know what, I’m not going to die if I don’t know. I don’t need to go on any blog to go write anything or to respond to whatever.’ And some many years ago, I just decided, that’s it!
“And it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. I don’t know if anybody says anything about me, I don’t care, because it gets to a point where you are at peace with yourself so everything you do is really for yourself and people that matter around you.
“What social media blogs and you know, the Internet does to you is; you are not living for yourself. You’re living for other people. And it ruins relationships. You don’t even know it’s addictive. Before you know what is going on… and it’s not just the bad stuff. It’s the good stuff and the bad stuff. So your husband or your darling says good morning and you just feel that need to go [on social media to post it].
“You know, it’s a good thing, yeah, it’s a good feeling. It’s addictive. You are doing that. You are doing it and so even when the bad stuff comes, naturally you’re going to do that [post it on social] and the truth of the matter is people don’t have to be in your business like that.
“The reason why I even write [on social media] about my family sometimes is just so it won’t be like I’m trying so hard to hide them or whatever.
“But you know, just be modest. Don’t put everything out there. Shelter your family to the best of your ability and leave the rest to God. Be prayerful and respect each other.”