#PulseFirstLove is a weekly series that captures the emotions people felt, and the motions they went through the first time they tried being in a relationship.
For the 24-year-old woman in this episode of #PulseFirstLove, her initiation into relationships was a sad case of unrequited love. But she thinks it’s not that deep and looks back at the experience with only a positive mindset. This is episode 14 of #PulseFirstLove and it’s all about her.
Quick one: Do you remember the first time you ever fell in love?
Absolutely. Who doesn’t?
I think it fades over time. But that’s by the way. Tell me about how falling in love felt for the first time?
Ah. You know I actually agreed to have this chat because my story is quite interesting and I just wanted to share
That’s why I’m here. Let’s hear it
Ok. It was my friend’s mum’s son. We’ve kinda known about each other for a long time but it wasn’t until 2013 that we actually met. Omo, the boy is fine gan. Till now, he’s such a beautiful boy. I was 17 at the time and yes, I totally fell in love with him. Because he was just so fine.
Lol. It is what it is
Yeah. But we were young then now, and even though I had such a crush on him, I didn’t say much to him than the normal ‘hi’ and stuff like ‘oh, it’s so nice to meet you.’ That kinda thing. But I was staring at him a lot and was so aware of him. They were in our house for a weekend when they arrived in the country. This was because my mother insisted on it.
You weren’t just staring at him till they returned to UK, were you?
Ah wait now. Let me get there. So that weekend was jampacked and we literally had a lot of fun places to visit and activities to do. His mum came with him and his two sisters. I have one younger brother. So we kept moving around Lagos, doing fun things and our mothers were catching up and all. Even the other kids were warming up to each other but both of us were aloof. Not aloof aloof like that, but it was tense sha. At least from my own end.
My mother kinda sensed it, told her friend and both of them came and teased us, saying stuff like ”why are you people not talking to each other. You people are pretending as if you don’t want to talk to each” or something like that sha. You know these old women are.
I can imagine
They stuck around for like 25 minutes, teasing both of us and asking if we didn’t like each other, that it is OK for us to fall in love o, and that they would even be glad for their kids to marry each other bla bla bla. It was awkward and hilarious AF but in a way they helped us break the ice. From there we started talking sha. And that was it.
That was it it? Or that was how you guys kickstarted your romance?
No o. We never dated. Apparently, he had a babe back in the UK and all that stuff. But I think the babe did not like him as much as he liked her. So it was not particularly smooth between them but he was stuck on her and it was obvious. But did that deter me from making moves on this boy?
Lmao. I guess it didn’t
No! [Loud laughter] It didn’t o. They spent like a total of one month in Nigeria and in that one month, we did stuff. Like plenty stuff.
Hahaha. I’m screaming too. They left our place after that first weekend but we still used to see quite well. Like I said, our mums were so cool so my mum used to ask if I’d like to hangout with them. Of course I said yes because he would come around too. And it was detty december period so why not?
Interesting. How did he feel about you?
The stupid boy. Lol. He couldn’t get his mind off that babe in the abroad but he was down for making out and doing racy stuff. Lmao. You can take the boy out of Yoruba land, but you can’t take the demon out of him.
I guess. So he didn’t like you back?
I actually hate to admit this because I really liked him and I think things could have been different if not for that unfortunate innit babe. Lol. But yeah, he couldn’t bring himself to like me like I liked him.
But you consider him to be your first love?
Well, here is how I think of this thing: I loved him. It does not matter that he didn’t love me back. I kinda understand why. And that one month was ours. I don’t know how it sounds but that is how I view it till date. So yes. He is my own first love. If I am not his, that is his problem.
That was a whole 7 years ago. What’s changed since then?
Like between us, or with me generally?
Yeah. Between you guys. You still close?
I have been to the UK a couple of times since then and we’ve seen few times. The sparks still fly and we still get physical but I don’t love him anymore. I grew out of that.
Yeah. The boy has fully embraced his yoruba demon life in the UK now sef. He is no longer a lover boy. He’s now aware of how fine he is and he is using it to his advantage.
Which rubbish king?
Tell me. With your first love being one-sided, how did that affect your love life subsequently?
I can’t say it changed anything really. I just moved naturally away from that and took other relationships that came as new adventures and that’s my idea on love and life. You can’t hold on to the past. What’s happened has happened. On to the next one.
Funny question, yeah, but did your mums have anything to say about you guys not hitting it off?
Hahahaha. Guy. Till now, my mum taunts me till now about that stuff. Let me tell you what happened
I’m here for the gist
So before they left our house that weekend, I think his mum may have caught us sneaking a kiss. She actually didn’t see us but she could tell we had been doing something. Lol. It was in the kitchen. I think I had gone to do something and he came to do something as well and we started kissing. We heard footsteps and quickly split up but you know how there’s this awkward silence and disheveled crazy look on your face when you were caught in the act?
I think we had that. The woman just looked at us both and asked if were were having a good time with one evil smirk like that.
LMAOOOOO. Don’t kill me please.
She must have told her friend, my mum. And that one taunted me with it for a while. She still randomly remembers sometimes and taunts me about it.
Thank you o.
What’s your view on unrequited love now?
It’s the ghetto. I am 24 now and I don’t think it’s a good place to be in. Maybe I was a little young and unbothered at the time but I know better now. If I had been interested in just sex at the time, it would have been OK. But I wanted more and I should have held out for that or bounced. Settling for just the physical when I wanted to have it alongside the emotional is something I’d never do again. If I just want someone to be fucking, that’s OK. I’m down for that. But if I love you more than that and sex is all you got for me, I’m sorry I’m bouncing. Because I’ll never get over the feeling of being shortchanged, of settling for something less. I always want to do something because that is what I want to do, not because that’s all I was offered, particularly with my emotions and feelings. And that’s what I’d advise everyone, honestly.
I call that growth.
That’s exactly what it is.
If you love this edition of Pulse First Love, there are many more interesting episodes of it here.