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Relationship Talk With Bukky My ex broke my heart but I still can't get over her

I really like this girl even though she once broke my heart. She felt like a true love.

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My girlfriend wants just sex but I want a committed relationship play My ex broke my heart but I still can't get over her (Fotolia)

Dear Bukky

I was in a wonderful relationship with my ex, although it was a long distance relationship. All of a sudden she started acting up, I asked and asked know what the sudden change in attitude was  about and she gave different excuses.

Then on a fateful day, when I called her and she told me she had something to say and then she told me she's about to [say] something stupid and that is,.. she is seeing someone else.

I begged her to stay for days but she refused. Then I stopped calling.  This was when I just graduated.

Towards the end of my service year she called to apologize, saying how her immaturity had led to her decison, and how she thinks I’m a good person and that she always still checked out on me on social media even when we broke up.

At first I wasn't going give her full communication but then I did and then she told me how she still loved me but can't date me due to the long distance because she is still abroad. I said I couldn't too because of the same reason and also cause I'm dating someone. 

Communication between us drifted apart afterwards. Later it came back and that was when I started catching feelings for her and told her about it but she said she now has a man. I decided to let her be.

We soon began talking and became close again, and she jokingly told me she was married and she sounded serious about it so I believe at first, but then sad, I don't know why I was, but I was.

Later on she broke it up to me that she was kidding. I was surprised but a bit relieved.  Now I don't really know what to do because I decided keep my distance.

I really like this girl even though she once broke my heart. She felt like a true love. Please advise me.

Dear reader,

The answer to this is obvious but maybe not so easy to put into practice -  you are still too attached and need to let go so as to completely detach… to get over her.

Apparently you both see no reason to date as your email specifically mentions, so why waste time courting further heartbreak when there is obviously nothing here for you?

The more you stay in contact  with her, the more complicated things will become for both of  you and really, you’re just going to remain tethered to her for as long as that goes on.

It is not enough to take intermittent breaks. If you are reconnecting with her before your detachment is complete, you are going to just keep ripping open the portal of affection again and you do not need that.

I advise a really extended break away from communication. Starve yourself of chances to remain intimate with her. That way you feed your independence of her.

Stay away from her and give yourself an opportunity to really move on.
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