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Relationship Talk With Bukky My boyfriend goes on and off all the time; it's frustrating

I do love him a lot but at this point, I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

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We've been together for 3 years but he's not talking about marriage. play My boyfriend goes on and off all the time; it's frustrating (Essence)

Dear Bukky,

I met this guy back in November. We spent two months getting to know each other, and we really clicked. Half way through January, he started having really big trouble with his ex-wife and daughter causing him to become super depressed.

After these problems, he started to distance himself from me. He was still calling and texting but barely meeting up. Later in mid-February, he started ignoring me totally; not answering my calls or texts. which worried me at first because that never used to happen before.

So I tried to text to see if he was alright but he did not reply. After that by few days I lost it and started texting too much. That was when he finally replied and asked me to give him time because he was not himself, to which I agreed.

After a month, I told my friend what happened. She asked if I called and when I said no, she asked me to to try again, maybe this time he would respond.

I tried as my friend said but there was no response so I kept on calling like crazy until he answered and told me that he's at work and he'll call later. Later that night he called, I was just so silent waiting for an explanation but he only kept going on about his depression and all that.

Though I believe him, I’ve had enough from the waiting so I asked him if he would want us to break up to which he answered in the negative. He said he loves to death and that he would get back to me. All he needed, according to him, was just a little more time.

This kept on going until it stopped for two months. Then on the day before my birthday, he replied to a text that I had sent two months earlier. I told him I could not go on with the cycle but he came up again with how he still loves me and has feelings for me.

My birthday came and we were supposed to meet a day afterwards but he forgot because he had a lot of things to do that day. He apologized on the next day and that was that about it. He never said anything after that.

I had to delete him from my Snapchat after few days and soon I started getting over how sad I used to be so I texted him a goodbye text of sorts, saying how nice it was knowing him and all that.

He replied three days after, expressing shock about my decision to end it. So I told him about his disappearing acts and he accused me of disappearing on him this time. And then he returned to telling me about how he loves me, saying that he loves me and doesn't want to end it. We've been texting for few days now and I’ve let him know that I am no longer comfortable with him.

He has called me for two days in a row now and I really just do not know if he is being real this time or just playing the disappearing game as he always does.

He's older than me by 17 years, I'm 23. My friends are saying that he is lying and he's got no feelings for me. I was ready to move on but then he showed up again. I do love him a lot and I don't know what's right or wrong now.

Please advise me.

Dear reader,

I think you do not deserve this. No one does. A disappearing partner is not ideal for a relationship because such person is literally a shaky foundation. Do you know anyone who builds on a shaky foundation? Of course not.

This is not a matter of age. I don’t think that is a problem for both of you here. 23 is considered legal and it is OK to love someone who is 17 years older so far you are sure that is who you want.

The problem is that you are not being treated right and it does not matter that you are age mates or that he is younger; if you are being repeatedly treated in this manner by anyone, the best thing to do is to get out. And that is my advice to you.

There is an obvious pattern here which I do not think will stop soon. Your best bet, like I already said, is to get out.
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