How to keep your friends close but your partner closer
If you can’t trust your partner with the big issues of your life, what's the point of being with them?
Being in a relationship is not a call to reclusiveness; your friends remain your friends and the things that used to be fun to you should not be stopped on the account of having found love.
Falling in love does not need spell the death of your friendships, you've probably known this before now, but do you know how to actually balance those old relationships with this romantic one you just found?
How do you remain an important part of your crew without shortchanging your new partner?
How do you maintain girls’ time, or to hang out with your guys without denying your girl the attention she rightly demands?
Each relationship should operate based on an understanding of the two people in it, such that each partner knows what the other likes and how he/she likes it.
Nevertheless, the general rule is that you should put your partner’s needs above your friends’.
'Bros before hoes' is a useless mantra here. Most obviously because this is your ‘partner’ we’re talking about here, not some random one-night-stand chic.
Your partner deserves time preference over your friends. At the same time, men and women need to know better than putting unnecessary attention demands on their partners.
If he’s been with you all day and needs to see ManUtd dismantle Chelsea or Arsenal for two hours, you can’t whine and deny him the chance of doing so especially if it’s a ritual regularly observed with his guys long before you came into the picture.
Same thing goes for guys… you need to let your girl enjoy the activities she held dear before she let you into her life.
Those were the things that made her the mentally-aware and socially-active woman she is… the intelligent, complete woman you fell in love with.
Her friends were her friends before you came along. Sure, you’ll become more important than them, but that’s all there is to it.
You don't need to selfishly put a wedge between them and her. Let your girl breathe, let her live… your relationship will actually be better for it.
Your partner is your number one confidant now. Your secrets, fears, dreams, and other matters of the heart go to them and no longer to your friends.
In my honest opinion, once you've been in a relationship for six months or more, and things look well and fine, there should no longer be anything that your friends know about you that your partner doesn't.
Even if you have been friends with your fellas/babes for ages, your partner still needs to be your first point of call whenever you need to unburden your mind, seek advice or just need a shoulder to lean or cry on.
I say six months because you must have known him/her for some time before beginning a relationship with them, and when you add all this time, you have enough time to judge their trustworthiness and possible reaction to some of the secrets you might want to share with them.
If the relationship looks steady and that partner feels like the real deal, I don’t think you should be scared of sharing anything with him or her, even if it's an ugly past.
In any case, it is advisable to let your partner know everything about you since the day your relationship began. No secrets.
If you are the type that still trusts your friends with more details of your life than your partners, you are doing it wrong, especially if you are within the time bracket specified above.
Understandably, you might be considering the fact that your friends have had your back for longer and that your partner might break up with you anytime but here is a fun fact for you… your friendship can also end.
Who says 10-year-old friendships don’t go up in flames, and how sure are you that this new relationship won’t evertually morph into marriage and outlast that friendship?
This invariably leads to the motive for why you are entering into a relationship. If yours is essentially a casual sex alliance, this article might not apply to you.
If, on the other hand, you have a marriage, something serious or intended to lead somewhere serious, you can’t afford to place more details of your life in your friends’ hands rather than your partner's.
If you can’t trust your partner this much after a reasonable amount of time (not necessarily six months) why are you with them?
You should let your partner learn to respect your friends through the way you project them to him or her. Place them on a good pedestal. They deserve that much.
But when it comes to the real crux of it; you should know better than to keep your friends closer than your partner.
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