When relationships fail, as individuals, it may be easier to focus on what the other person did and what they omitted or refused to do rather than on the role we played in the destruction of that bond.
While that may be the natural course of action for many, it still does not make it right. Dwelling on the crazy things your ex did to you is not criminal but it is advisable to not let it be your only consuming thought. First because you need to let go of past feelings of hurt as soon as reasonably possible so as to heal properly and move beyond all the negative energy of the crashed relationship[s].
Secondly, it is necessary to not dwell too much on past partners because, as this Pulse article states, the failure of those past relationships may not entirely be your partners’ fault. In most cases, actually, it is never so.
Therefore you owe yourself a duty to run a self-assessment for the part you played in those breakups. You may be surprised to find a pattern if you do so honestly.
The crash of those relationships may even be more your fault than it was anyone else’s. And this is not just limited to cases of behavioural and character flaws on your part, it could be for one of these two reasons we list below:
You rebound too fast
If you hop straight into a relationship after getting off another one, it is very likely that you weren’t thinking straight, or that you were overly emotional when making that decision. And while being in touch with one’s emotions is great, one hardly makes good decisions when logic is not applied alongside emotion – a kinda difficult task for many people.
If you are the type who never allows for the processing of emotions and coming to terms with heartbreak before trying to find comfort in another relationship, you may need to actually watch yourself. Chances that all the unresolved feelings and negative energy locked away from the past relationship will seep into the new are quite high.
And this is why you have to allow yourself a recess; a period during which you stay off relationships to consider your own role in the failure of the broken relationship, and see what you could have done better or said better.
It is very important for the retention of a positive spirit that you detoxify and come to grips with reality after every breakup instead of trying to gloss over your pain, hurt, disappointment with sex or a whole other relationship.
You resist change
Many people seem to not get the concept of change in relationships, especially in the committed relationships. If you intend to stay with someone for as long as one year or more at any point of your life, be ready for the changes they’ll go through and also be willing to adapt to it.
It is fine for transformation to happen in people’s minds, and not just their looks, and you really should be able to catch up. As people grow, they get educational changes, age also brings about experiences which may shift them mentally from where they were when they met you to someplace else.
Having the understanding to embrace this change, and to be dynamic enough to accept and flow with it is really pivotal; and if you do not know this yet, it may be the reason why you crave commitment but always end up losing your relationships.