Dating in Lagos: Looking for love but finding sex

Sex in Lagos is as common as gala hawked in Lagos traffic.

Most people look for love and find sex instead

With the commonization of sex in Lagos, how do young people navigate their relationships?

For many young people in Lagos, sex is love, and love is sex, but sometimes sex is just sex and nothing more. Anyone going with the intention of finding love when sex is what is on the table will end up crying premium tears.

I spoke to some young people about how they navigated love and sex in Lagos.

For Bisi, is it never really that deep. “The last serious relationship I was in was at the university. Right now, I have been keeping it light. I don’t have a lot of experience with the usual woes of Lagos girls - toxicity and money. Probably because I never ask for money. "

"Sex isn't such a big deal now. I have random flings with my male friends, and we understand each other. We know that it is nothing serious."

"I have friends who are virgins whose boyfriends are sleeping with other people. That doesn't make sense to me.”

Tega doesn't ask women out; they come to him. “Sometimes, they come to my DMS and say, 'Oh I like your picture, would you like to hang out?' Sex isn’t such an issue, I have friends who come to my place, or I go to their place, and we have sex."

"It never gets that deep because right off the back, I do not talk about a relationship. I come on strong sexually, so they know that is what I am about."

"I am 30 years old now, I know I will get tired of having flings with my friends. I want a relationship, but I am not actively searching for it.”

James' case is quite different; “I had a good relationship, a great girlfriend, but one fateful day, I almost had sex with another lady. I was quite lucky it didn't happen that night. Unfortunately, I continued flirting with her after that day."

"My girlfriend read previous messages and got to know about that night, and she got mad. I apologized to her, but she said we could not date anymore, so we are now basically fuck buddies. She is supposed to see other people, and I can do it too, but we haven’t started seeing other people yet."

Diane is totally exhausted; "I meet a guy and the only thing he wants is sex, I don't want him to lie to get to know me when what he really want is sex but I often wished it is not about just that."

For those in a relationship, their partners might be having sex with other people and others who aren't in a relationship, all they will be offered is just sex and many people are okay with that. Such is the lovelife of many in Lagos.

Then there are people lying to their partners about their sexuality but that is a topic for another day.

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