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Relationship Talk With Bukky I'm an introvert; how do I keep my extrovert man from walking away?

I prefer staying indoors but my boyfriend prefers going out to do fun stuff. This is affecting our relationship badly.

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My boyfriend is an outgoing person while I'm not. play

My boyfriend is an outgoing person while I'm not.

(Black Dating)

Dear Bukky,

Thank God for this platform. I currently have a boyfriend. I think we are both committed to the relationship. He is an extrovert and I’m an introvert.

There are a lot of things that interest him that do not interest me; like meeting new people and talking loud.

We are in a long distance relationship though. I really love the guy but I’m confused. I think we will break up.

I’m not seeing any outright bad signs. The guy is an honest guy and whenever we chat or talk, he is always like, "the next girlfriend I will have will be an extrovert so we can do crazy things together."

That statement always hurts me. I just can't tell him because he thinks I’m OK with him being that honest.

Sincerely though it hurts. I love him and I feel that he loves me too. I always see a future with him but If he continues saying that, then I would have to slowly stop loving him so that when the time comes, I won’t feel so hurt. 

I love him to the point of making time for him even though I’m preparing for my exam.

Please advise me on what to do! 

I’m so confused right now but I still love the guy.

Dear reader,

I think there are two things to address here.

First thing is the disparity in your disposition to life. His talks about getting an extroverted person is because he wants someone to do these things with.

Think about the long term. Do you think you’d be cool with him going out to do his fun things even without you, or do you think you’d sulk because he wouldn’t sit at home with you?

Do you also think you might change a bit and pick interest in some of those things, at least to get closer to him and spend more time with him?

I think if he’s wise, it’s only normal that he tries to join you in some of the things you love doing, too.

Overall, I think this is a relationship  that can work and that brings me to the other issue - communication.

When he says those things that hurt you, you are not supposed to shut up and let the resentment pile up for too long. Address it!

Addressing it is not the same as fighting him about it. But hey, your boyfriend can't be planning a future without you, and saying it to you. You’ve got to speak up about it!

Ask questions. Ask him what his dissatisfaction is. Ask him what he means by “his next girlfriend”.

You need to know where you stand. You just can’t fold your hands there and watch the worst happen when you can either move out of its way or prevent it from happening.

Long and short is this: ask yourself real questions about the problems that your different natures pose to the success of the relationship. And be honest with yourself while answering the questions.

Then have a conversation with your boyfriend based on the results of your introspection.

The answers of that conversation should point you in the direction to go next.
Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues?

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So, why not send that mail today and let's talk about it?

A problem shared is a problem half-solved!

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