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Relationship Talk She's a victim of sexual assault, how do I win her over?

She's resistant and not open-minded with me the way I am to her.

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How do I get her to see me as the good guy that I am. play

How do I get her to see me as the good guy that I am.


Dear Bukky,

I am in a relationship with a lady who suffered sexual violence at age nine. Due to her past trauma, it’s been hard for her to trust men again.

Our communication is below average and declining gradually. Sometimes her mood swings to and fro whenever I’m around her. I guess it's the outcome of such horror she experienced in past.

Nonetheless, I swore never to disappoint her; to care, honour her, support her financially even though I’m just an undergraduate.

But she's resistant and not open-minded with me the way I am to her.

I’m mentally disturbed with this attitude of hers. I really want to help her get over the past tragedy. I wish to help no matter what.

Please how can I rescue her?

Dear reader,

As admirable as what you want to do with this woman is, I feel pity and compassion are not the basis romantic relationships should have.

I feel she might resent you down the line if your idea of being with her is just because you see her as a sorry case -  someone who needs redemption. And it’s going to be worse if you keep reminding her of that fact by repeatedly bringing it up.

I think you should just be friends with her at least for the time being. Show her love for who she is, instead of bringing up the past and making all your actions about redeeming her past.

Her wounds need your love attention and all that, not a constant, vocal reminder.

Most importantly, there really is nothing you can do if she does not allow you. If she keeps shutting you out, none of these might be possible.

So I advise that you stay close to her without choking her with your presence. She’ll try to shut you out, but stay close enough to know when she needs someone and be that person.

Let your actions, rather than words, be your gentle persuasion and weapon of breaking down her defenses.

Until you earn her trust, there’ll be little you can do with those good intentions you have.
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