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Relationship Talk I love him but he's not educated & speaks terrible English

He commits grammatical and pronunciation errors that my younger brother in SS3 cannot even commit. 

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Disappointed young woman. play

Disappointed young woman.


Dear Bukky,

I am in a relationship with this young man from the north, while I'm from the West. I think I love him and I know he loves me too.

He cares about me and treats me well, though we have our arguments sometimes but we usually resolve them eventually.

The problem now is that he's not that educated. According to him, he attended a polytechnic in the north but he has poor English speaking skills. He commits grammatical and pronunciation errors that my younger brother in SS3 cannot even commit. 

However, he has a good job and some assets as well. He even has a house of his own. He's smart and intelligent and his words are filled with wisdom.

He has been through a lot in life and he's experienced. But the problem is this English. 

As for me, I'm very educated and speak English well. I've been trying to cope with his English, hoping that with time, I'll be able to rub-off on him and he'll improve.

He has also indicated interest in furthering his education. Moreso, my parents are opposed, though not strongly, to my marrying a man from another tribe than mine. 

Should I go ahead and marry him?  I used to feel so irritated by his manner of speaking but as time went by, I was being tolerant and I feel I can teach and correct him too.

I just hope that in future, I will not feel frustrated and regretful for marrying a man like him. I hope he will not feel inferior and throw tantrums.

I hope he will not be over-possessive, thus limiting me from moving forward, maybe faster than him, in future. These are my doubts and fears.

Dear reader,

If the English is the only thing standing in your way, I think you should brush it aside and move ahead with the relationship.

Does he treat you well? Does he manage money well? Does he take his responsibility seriously? Does he fit the profile of what you desire in a man?

If the answers to these are all in the affirmative, I see no reason why you should not be with him.

I understand the worry about how he speaks; but really, all that is just for the appearances. What decides marital happiness goes way deeper than that.

Besides, perfection is uneasy to find, if it can ever be. So take this as one thing to compromise. I think this shouldn’t be difficult to do, given how he has shown interest in making concerted efforts to improve.

The fears you have about the future are normal. Everyone gets them when they’re about to take these steps.

See, formally-educated guys can be over-possessive and throw unnecessary tantrums, too. It's a matter of character not education.

In the end, because no one knows tomorrow, you just have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.

I think the only issue that should really bug you is your parent’s disapproval. If that one is gotten out of the way, every other thing should be fine.

If that man feels good for you and you know it, please don’t let his inability to speak good English stand in your way.
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