Ways to know if your partner is a gaslighter and is out to make you an emotional wreck.
The concept itself has to do with subtle emotional manipulations which often comes in little forms and builds up till it erodes your confidence, to the point where you no longer trust your own instincts and feelings.
If you're in a relationship that makes you constantly doubt yourself, you may be a victim of gaslighting. However there are more signs and according to experts, these are the warning signs you will see in a gaslighter
Because of its subtle nature, gaslighting can be hard to detect. But there are a few warning signs. Here, experts point out the red flags for this sophisticated form of emotional abuse.
Gaslighting is used mostly to create confusion to cover up wrongdoings.
So "If they're questioning your memory, or causing you to question your memory of certain events or narratives, that's a big [red flag]," says Ben Michaels, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City.
If you find yourself constantly having to grapple with things you thought starting sentences with, “Oh, I thought you said ..." only to have your partner tell you you're wrong?
He explains, such as an affair or other types of abuse. “It really is about [twisting] your sense of reality, and that's what's so harmful about it.”
“They'll blatantly tell you that they never said something— or never did something— even if you were there to witness it,” says Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, an author and psychotherapist in Tampa, Florida.
One surefire way to tell you’re dealing with a gaslighter is if they deny facts you both know are true. The aim is to make you second-guess your perception of what happened. You might think to yourself, Maybe I imagined she said that; or Maybe I didn't actually see him do that — I just thought I did.
After being told for a while that the things you saw and heard on several occasions are not real, you’ll soon start to feel crazy.
Another classic gaslighter technique is cease all forms of communication and maybe block the channels when you voice a concern or let them know what’s not right with the relationship.
The aim is to get you to take the blame for even pointing out their faults in the first instance.
Gaslighters might also say things like “Are we really talking about this again?” or, “I don’t have time for this,” to send a message that your feelings aren’t important.
In the end, the issue will remain undiscussed because your attention is diverted from whatever it is you're upset about to the question of whether you handled the situation correctly.
Instead of taking the heat for their own errors, they’ll rather make you feel some type of way for calling them out on their BS.
Gaslighters want to make you believe that you are the one screwing up all the time
In a relationship with a gaslighter, “I’m sorry” is not a phrase that you will hear often. But it will be something you say frequently, even when you've done nothing wrong.