If he's got kids and a former partner, these are things to know before getting into the mix.

So if you are about to date a man who has kids from a previous relationship or marriage and you do not want the other woman’s influence on your relationship with your man, here are the things you really want to pay close attention to.

1. Pre-communicate

This is the very obvious first thing you have to deal with when going into a relationship with a single father. If he has a child and an ex-partner, you have to have this conversation before anything begins.

No matter how swiftly, neatly and elegantly he sweeps you off your feet, you have to take a moment, take a step back and have that conversation where you ask if he is still sexually involved with the baby mama. Ask what sort of relationship he has with her, ask him as many questions you need answers to. Ask no matter awkward it sounds.

Put your thoughts across as mildly and as gently as possible [Credit - Readers Digest]
Put your thoughts across as mildly and as gently as possible [Credit - Readers Digest]
Readers Digest

If he is unwilling to answer them, that should shed light on the kind of relationship you are about to go into, and it is really not what you need. If he is trying to hide stuff from you, chances are that you are walking into a baby mama trap.

Keeping you involved and informed on what's going on will lower the chances of distrust and insecurity on your end. If he can’t do that, don’t take him too seriously.

You need answers. If he’s not willing to provide them, you don’t need the stress that comes from a love triangle.

2. The other woman doesn’t matter

Many times, men have a kid from an old sexual relationship. In such instances, the man may have been in the relationship just for the sex while the woman caught feelings, hoping that getting pregnant with the child would make the man stick to her.

If that is the type of situation you find yourself in, what matters is your man’s openness with you, and his respectful distance from the other woman.

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If your man genuinely keeps his physical and emotional distance from her and limits his contacts to just what is necessary for the raising of the child, then you really have nothing to bother about the other woman and her [possible] hate for you.

No point in being needlessly meddlesome. [Credit - iStock]
No point in being needlessly meddlesome. [Credit - iStock]

3. Keep your distance from her

Avoid potential confrontations by letting your man handle all the issues even if she disrespects you. Tell him what upsets you and then see what he does. If he cannot put her in her place especially when she disrespects you, then maybe that’s not the relationship for you.

4. Respect yourself

Whether or not the child stays with you and your man, you should always accord the other woman the respect deserving of a decent human. She is your man’s child’s mother… an ex that may not go away from your faces till the child turns 18. You have to accept that… as difficult as it may be.

If you are not willing to love with these realities, it is better to not date a man who has a kid and a baby mama.