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Relationship Talk With Bukky How do I deal with a girl giving me mixed signals?

She says something today, her actions say something different the next days; I'm confused!

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play How do I deal with a girl giving me mixed signals? (Black Doctor)

Dear Bukky,

There's this lady that I asked out but she said NO, that she has someone she's seeing currently. 

But from our conversations, she has being hinting on going out with me. But the problem I have with her is the NO she has being saying. So should i let go or give her a little time?

Dear reader,

Wanting to go out with you doesn’t really count as a desire for a relationship with you. Even people in relationships desire friendships and that could be all she wants with you.

If she enjoys your company and likes the kind of conversations she has with you, she could want to pursue nothing but friendship with you. So, the fact that she’s hinting for a date with you is not conclusive evidence that she’s giving you the green light.

However, this is not to say that there is absolutely no chance of you getting together with her in the nearest future. Though unlikely, given the fact that she is in a relationship at the moment, she may actually be sizing you up for the possibility of a relationship.

Whichever one is the case between the two scenarios painted, I think you should go on those dates with her. Even if it turns out that all she wants is friendship and not a relationship as you desire, you’re still not at a loss. Everyone needs friends and who knows what benefits – commercial and social - could accrue to you from that friendship in the future!

ALSO READ: Things you should know about sex before dating anyone

Dear Bukky,

I got married to a single mother of one. We are blessed with two kids but since I married her I’ve never enjoyed sex with her.

She always gives different excuses. I have reported her to her parents twice. .I don't want to marry two wives but I’m still young at only 33 years of age.

Please she is always starving me. What do I do?

Dear reader,

One major reason I could think of is that she has a considerably lower sex drive than you.

In that case, you have a whole lot of compromise to reach because with a libido that’s nowhere near yours, you wife’s desire will never match yours. What this means is that she would need to reach out of her comfort zone and raise the bar. And you would have to rein in some of those urges and meet her halfway.

You really can’t expect her libido to suddenly match yours. If the situation is what I think it is, she can only try, her sex drive will probably never become as high as yours.

So as she strectches herself to accommodate your needs, you will have to learn patience and tone down some of your own urges. That’s the only way this can work. She raises the bar a little. You bring yours down a notch. That way, you meet each other half way.

If you communicate this to her, your marriage stands a chance.

On the flipside, all this could just be as a result of her dissatisfaction with the sex on offer.

Have you ever wondered that the fault could be from you  and not because of an intentional, malicious desire to not want sex on her part?

If she’s not enjoying the sex, if she’s not getting the required satisfaction from sleeping with you, it could be the explanation for why she’s denying you the chance to do it as much as you want.

Maybe the answer to your worry is to just ask her to give you an honest assessment of your sex abilities so far.

What you discover from that inquiry could be the difference between where you are in you are in your relationship now and where you really want to be.

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