Here's 3 ways you can save your marriage even when it seems hopeless

Wanting to throttle your significant other from time to time is perfectly normal but if youre constantly coming up against the same relationship problem then youll have to get to the root of the conflict if you want to move forward as a happier, healthier, more connected couple. Heres 3 ways you can

1. Make a list of all the issues you argue or feel hopeless about

Anger does not mean it’s time to fight. Hopelessness does not mean you should just give up on saving your marriage and get divorced. Anger and hopelessness do indicate that there’s a problem, a bump on your marriage path. So begin by asking yourself what exactly you feel angry and hopeless about.

Write out a list of all the issues that you have been arguing about or giving up on. Include on your list the issues that concern your spouse as well as the ones that irritate and frustrate you

2. Drop the attitude

The negative stuff you give each other is totally unhelpful. Negative comments to each other only taint a positive relationship. So, no more criticism, complaints, blame, accusations, anger, sarcasm, digs or snide remarks. No more raised voices or anger escalations either. Stay in the calm zone.

Leave an argument altogether if either of you start to get heated. Calm down so that when you re-engage, you only talk calmly and cooperatively.

If you want to thrive within your marriage, aim for a ratio of a million to one. That means, do NOT sling mud.

3. Express concerns constructively and make decisions together

A simple way to stay constructive in sensitive conversations is to pick from the following trio of potential sentence starters

"I feel..."
"My concern is..."
"I would like to..."

Understanding each other’s concerns is essential for the two of you to begin doing what I call that the win-win. The goal is to reach solutions that please you both. No more aiming to get your way. Aim instead for both of you to feel comfortable with your plan of action.

It's important to notice you have differences, which probably will become evident because you are beginning to argue or to feel hopeless.

Express your underlying concerns. Ask about and list to your partner's concerns. Then create a plan of action responsive to the concerns of both of you.