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Relationship Talk With Bukky I love sex so much but my wife doesn't; please what can I do?

I am married to a lovely wife but there is no balance to sexual urges and it's such an issue for me now.

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Unhappy couple


Dear Bukky,

I am married to a lovely wife. I love sex so much but my wife does not. Please what can I do?

Dear reader,

In the words of Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist out there in America:

“Two people are never going to want sex at exactly the same time, every single time, so all relationships have at least some degree of incompatibility.

“Couples can sometimes navigate minor discrepancies with ease, but more often than not, they wind up fighting.

“If you’re the partner with the higher sex drive, you probably find yourself struggling with how to manage the differences in your libidos.

“[One on hand] you don’t want to pressure or guilt your girlfriend into having sex with you, but you can’t turn off your desire either.”

ALSO READ: How to determine sexual compatibility without having sex

So the answer is simply in communication and compromise. Having been married, there’s not much that can be done in this situation if you intend to stay married.

I guess you must have had this conversation several times already but you should, again. This time around do it at a period that’s not filled with sexual tension.

Don’t talk about it when you want to get down. Do it instead when you are far from the bedroom, you’re both happy, the mood is up and the atmosphere is relaxed.

If she’s a good partner she knows to make adjustments. However, if the difference in sex drive is massive, it might be unfair to expect her to match up completely.

If she’s leaving her comfort zone by stretching to accommodate you and your needs, you should also be willing to tone your urge down a little, too. That way you can meet each other half way.

There’s little that can be done outside proper communication and this willingness to make adjustments for each other.
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