Dear Ayo: My girlfriend still has online dating apps and lies about them

How can someone act so in love but do terrible things behind their partner’s back?

How do you let someone know that you know that they are dishonest? [Credit - iStock]

Dear Ayo is Pulse's new Agony Aunt Column [uncle in this case]. In each weekly edition, we will try to help one reader make sense of their relationship dilemma, while proffering helpful tips on how they can move forward with their love, marriage and sex life.

Dear Ayo,

My girlfriend and I have only been dating for 3 months now. When we met, we had instant amazing chemistry and she couldn’t stop saying how happy she was to meet me. Fast forward to a month and I see that she still has a dating app on her phone. I asked her about it and she said she hasn’t been on in months. So I made a fake profile and looked to see if she was telling the truth. It turned out that she was last seen days ago and her profile says she’s single.

I asked her about this, and she only accused me of having major trust issues, saying she only goes on the App because people post funny videos. Fast forward another month and I see her scrolling through her phone. This time, my eye caught another dating app. I’ll admit that I took things a bit far this time but I was fed up with the BS. I made a fake ID and began talking to her flirting, and eventually got her to agree to a hangout with me. I made a screenshot of the conversation and sent it to her, asking for an explanation, to which she responded that the conversation is not on her phone so it must not be real. [Obviously, she deleted the chat]

I then tried to end things and she came at me, saying that the breakup is what I wanted all along and she couldn’t understand why as she felt she had done nothing wrong.

My question is how can someone act so in love but then do these things behind their partner’s back?

_______________

Dear Steve*,

Let me first mention quickly that in this life, ehn, people do a lot of things that negate how they really feel, and also, it is common for people to say things they don’t mean. It’s not right, but it is what it is.

That said, your babe’s actions have repeatedly shown that she’s incapable of being honest with you, and obviously, she doesn’t see much merit in being faithful. Remaining on dating sites, and denying it repeatedly shows that. On the strength of that alone, I’d say end the relationship and do not allow her to manipulate you into staying in the stressful relationship with her.

But that wouldn’t be a holistic response. I think you might have a little introspection to do as well. I know this woman gave you a lot of reasons to be doubtful but maybe you should try and look inwards for traces of trust issues as she alluded to. Just to be sure your heart is in the right place as you think it is.

Also, sometimes, people need a bit of time to settle into a relationship. They want to keep their options open for a while before committing totally. Maybe that was why your babe stayed on the app in those first months. Her mistake, in my opinion, was that she lied about it and that she kept on in the act despite the conversations you had on it.

____________

*Subject’s name has been changed for anonymity reasons.

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