Dear Ayo: I have a huge crush on my bestie, but I’m afraid he won’t want me

"What if he rejects me?"

Besties. [Credit: Bustle]

Dear Ayo is Pulse's new Agony Aunt Column [uncle in this case]. In each edition, we will try to help one reader make sense of their relationship dilemma, while proffering helpful tips on how they can move forward with their love, marriage and sex life.

Today's email is from *Tinu, who is confused on what to do with the enormous crush she has on her bestie. Her question below:

Dear Ayo,

I have a male bestie that I have known for two years, I’ve always had this huge crush on him. We’ve become a lot closer in the past two years and that crush has grown so much that I now feel so overwhelmed with it.

Although he keeps saying he does not want any relationship right now, I think some of his actions towards me portray love and affection. I am scared of rejection and I also don’t want to lose him but I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t say something to him soon. I need your candid advice, please!


Dear *Tinu,

The short version of my answer is: Don’t. Tell. Him.

But here’s an extended cut: Most times when people are clear about not wanting a relationship, it is important to listen to them and respect their wishes. What you are interpreting as ‘affection’ could mean nothing more to him than just being friendly. Afterall, you have been familiar with each other for four years and gotten even closer in the past two years. So I’d say don’t attach unnecessary importance to his actions. That’s likely loved-up heart playing tricks on you.

You might be tempted to tell him in the hopes that hearing about your crush will change his mind but chances are that it won’t. And you know what that means? Rejection and a possible strain on the close relationship y’all have. I think you shouldn’t say anything and hope the crush fades off. That actually happens more often than you think.


*Subject’s name has been changed for anonymity reasons.

Do you have questions about your love and sex life, tough breakups, infidelity struggles, marital issues, office romance, mother-in-law drama, etc? Send them to and we’ll provide helpful tips that’ll help you through the issues.


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