Dating while plus-size, fetishisation and other stories

The Chubby Chaser is a man, who by some unresolved childhood complex or plain old perversion masquerading as ‘preference’, seeks out girls based on weight and weight alone. The bigger the better, the heavier the sexier. If you’re not fat enough, they will be happy to feed you up and lick their lips as they watch you disappear under a mountain of food.

It’s quite sad really. Big women, and I stress some, not all, beaten down by society, told that they are not good enough to be loved because they’re a certain size and seem to settle for whatever they can get and allow themselves to be fetishised and in extreme cases, abused by these chasers.

I’ve always been wary of men with such exact, bordering on obsessive preferences be it weight, colour or otherwise. Being somebody who has fallen for all colours, shapes or sizes simply because the person themselves was too damn awesome, I can’t imagine limiting myself to such a small and particular group of person or having such a rigid preference that I have to mold whoever I’m with into my ideal partner.

Moreover, any big woman in a relationship with a slim man, it’s assumed that he MUST have a fetish. I mean why else would a slimmer man go after a big girl if he didn’t have a screw loose somewhere or a low down dirty fetish. Well, let me personally debunk that warped explanation for you. Yes, there are weirdos out there but not all of us are dating one. Some of us have been lucky enough to find men who love us because of who we are, not in spite of it and not solely because of it. We’re conducting loving, functioning and normal relationships just like our skinny counterparts. Cue shock and horror.

Furthermore, some of us are lucky enough to have settled down with men who make us comfortable enough to discuss our insecurities about our weight in a mature and sensitive way. Men, who can answer ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ with ‘When doesn’t your bum look big?’ and to not receive a hot slap. It’s not an off limits subject but it’s not something either of us feel the need to dwell on either. It is what it is and we keep on moving. When you find someone who is so in tune with your being, as cliché as it sounds, outward appearances are just a bonus.

If a man’s driving force is your looks, whether you’re chubby or a size 10 model, run as fast as you can. Looks fade and sadly us humans are fickle beings. Be with somebody who loves your substance not just your surface. Somebody who make your energy vibrate on a completely different level and blossom together.

I used to read articles like this and scoff muttering ‘I’ll take what I can get thanks’ but now I look at what I have and I thank God I held out for quality, for ‘fireworks’ and ‘fairytales' and all the other mushy stuff because in the words of the great philosopher Drake, ’when a real man holds you down, you’re supposed to drown’.

We are all deserving.