Coronavirus: What love & sex will be like if Nigeria shuts down

Love and social distancing don’t mix. I mean, how do you go from morning sex, cheesy nose bumps, playful kisses, butt grabbing and all those unnecessary but super-cute and drawn-out warm embraces, to doing absolutely nothing?

Or, in other cases, limiting all forms of physical touch or having to wear masks all around the house or making out with gloves on. Just doesn’t right at all. It don’t sound right, bruh.

Sex life about to take a massive hit if the country shuts down. ece-auto-gen

But as it is, with schools closing down and churches being told to slow their rows, that might be where we find ourselves in the coming weeks – some sort of lockdown like what happened in Wuhan, China and the one being experienced in Italy.

Come to think of it sha, how will love, dating and the whole dynamics of romance play out with Lagos on lock-down or worse, the whole Naija?

We played out few scenarios below:

1. Physical touch becomes very tricky

Like I already said above, how do you kiss with masks on? Or do all those finger tricks on your babe with gloves on?

Come to think of it, I know they say don’t touch your face anyhow or poke your nose and all that. But no one said anything about putting fingers in the vagina now, did they?

Disclaimer: Ask your doctor first before doing anything o, plis dear.

2. Sexting will flourish

The scared ones and the ones that value their lives and wellbeing will stay away from all of their 6 girlfriends.

But of course, because this fornication business must keep moving, what better option would they have but to explore non-stop sexting?

Sexting like a pro [Credit : Onedio] Sexting like a pro [Credit : Onedio] Pulse Nigeria

3. People in long distance relationships are eating good

While the people who are used to communicating with their genitals are gnashing their teeth in tears of abstinence, you bet those in long distance relationships will just be laughing.

What’s a Coronavirus shutdown when you last saw your girlfriend four years, seven months, three weeks, and five days ago ?

4. All booty calls are effectively cancelled - or are they?

All ye fornicators will have to say bye-bye to all plans of interstate fornication. All of you that have set P and are already planning to consummate your unholy union can kiss that arrangement goodbye.

And for all the guys that are already planning to send plane ticket money or money for t-fare, better think twice.

If you like go and send money for T-fare just before everywhere gets shut down. Larenz Tate mischievious smile. Imgflip

5. It’ll be tough if you’re dating a student or someone living with parents

I mean, with the city on lock, we all know there’ll still be some people that just can’t do without getting it. So no one would be surprised if there are people risking it all to go get some.

But that will likely work only for people who live alone or actually pay their rent in one way or another. Imagine dating a guy who lives with his folks who are at home, of course, because their civil service job is on hold. What happens when you’re horny? You can’t go to his place, his Nigerian parents will definitely not allow him come to yours.

Infact, this is how his mum will stare at him if dares to say he's leaving the house