These Are the Most Common Sexual Kinks Americans Fantasize About

Zachary Zane

February 28, 2020 6:40 PM

So you like it when your partner spreads your limbs, ties you to the bedposts , and talks dirty to you. In case you were wondering, you're not alone: People are pretty kinky, according to the latest sex research.

These Are the Most Common Sexual Kinks

There are lots of different kinks out there, and it can be tough to measure how common they are. But a in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that nearly 50% of the general population has tried some form of BDSM in their lives. (Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, and Masochism is hardly the only kink out there, but it's among the most common.)

While there isn't a general consensus on how often people engage in kinky activity, there is one for how often people fantasize about kinks. A lot of the fantasy research comes from Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. For his book, Tell Me What You Want , he surveyed 4,175 Americans aged 18-87 about their sexual fantasies, and found out exactly which kinks people are dreaming about the most.

Just because you fantasize about a certain kink, it doesn't mean you actually want to act on it, Lehmiller notes. If a fantasy is non-consensual or poses an unacceptable risk of harm, it shouldnt ever be acted on, he explains. Keep in mind that fantasy and reality are two different things, and some fantasies are best left as fantasies.

So: What kinks do we sexually fantasize about the most?

BDSM is the most common sexual fantasy, according to Lehmiller's research. In fact, nearly everyone has fantasized about BDSM at least once, with 93% of men and 96% of women reporting they have. Dominance, submission, and bondage were the most popular elements of these fantasies, with submission and bondage fantasies being more common among women, and dominance fantasies being more common among men, Lehmiller says.

Dirty talk was the second most popular fantasy. Ninety percent of men and 93% of women said they had fantasized about a partner talking dirty to them before.

Third on the list was role playing , with men and women fantasizing almost equally about some sort of doctor, teacher, police, or other form of dress-up experience. (Eighty-two percent of men and 83% of women had fantasized about this before.)

As for other common forms of sexual fantasies?

73% of men and 48% of women had fantasized about voyeurism before (spying on other people who are undressing or having sex).
58% of men and 36% of women said they had fantasized about cuckolding before (i.e., watching their partner have sex with someone else).
47% of men and 36% of women said they had fantasized about exposing their genitals in public (i.e., exhibitionism ).
43% of men and 36% of women said theyd fantasized about at least one common fetish object before, such as leather, shoes, and/or pantyhose.
37% of men and 41% of women said they had fantasized about incorporating food with sex .
31% of men and 22% of women said they had fantasized about fisting before (vaginal and/or anal).

Many of the sexual fantasies people think are rare or unusual are actually pretty common, Lehmiller explains. Its important for us to expand our understanding of what a normal fantasy is because when people think their fantasies are rare, they tend to feel more shame, guilt, embarrassment, and anxiety, which can lead people to avoid talking about sex at all.

Zachary Zane