Two years ago, a man who worked at the Royal Canadian Mint smuggled $127,116 of stolen gold in his butt.
Two years ago, a man who worked at the Royal Canadian Mint smuggled $127,116 of stolen gold in his butt. For some reason it took until last November for the man, Leston Lawrence, to be found guilty of smuggling $127,116 of stolen gold in his butt. Last week Lawrence received his punishment for the crime, as the honorable Ontario Court Judge Peter Doody ordered the butt burglar to serve 30 months in jail and pay $145,900, according to the BBC. And yes, very good observation: The judge’s last name is indeed Doody, and he did indeed preside over a case involving a butt.
Upon learning that investigators found Vaseline and latex gloves inside Lawrence’s locker at the mint, Judge Doody—what, you think we’re just not going to mention this guy’s name anymore?—made the reasonable assumption that Lawrence could’ve used the jelly and gloves “to facilitate insertion of gold items inside his rectum.” But what’s more impressive to us than how Lawrence smuggled out all the gold is how long it took for him to actually get caught. Lawrence, whose job was to purify gold and often worked alone in a security camera blind spot, used some of the gold pieces to buy a boat in Florida (where else?) and build a house in Jamaica, and was only busted when he made the mistake of selling the gold through Ottawa Gold Buyers, per the BBC.
Lesson learned: Should you manage to successfully fit six figures’ worth of gold up your butt and smuggle it out of your place of employment, find some shady way to sell it on the black market instead of out in the open like that. Then you can live out your days in Jamaica in peace.