Uh, hold the sausage

In a classic setup straight out of every cheesy porno flick, an off-duty New Mexico police officer recently greeted a pizza delivery woman with a surprise: his penis.

But she wasn’t interested in that kind of tip. So she called the cops and they arrested their colleague for indecent exposure.

An incident report says the lewd cop, 28-year-old William Gonzalez, claimed he’d just gotten out of the shower. (Nice try, bro.)

But the unimpressed pizza gal told police Gonzalez’s hair wasn’t wet, he wasn’t wearing a towel, and he made no move to cover himself up—not to mention he’d teased her the last time she’d delivered a pie that he might answer the door naked.

Why would a cop (or anyone else) do something this stupid? One guess: He’d been watching too much porn.

Spend enough time in the hyper-sexualized fantasyland of pornography, and you may start to think the stuff you see on screen translates to the real world.

Thank goodness it doesn’t. If it did, your wife hooked up with the stripper at her bachelorette party, the cable guy is your real dad, and your stepmom is screwing your friends. All of them.