ADVERTISEMENT

If you want better sex, you might want to upgrade your bedroom

A man who knows the thread count of his sheets is a man who has his life together. That’s sexy. If you sleep on an air mattress that begins deflating as soon as you hop in, that’s not sexy.

___9180304___2018___12___8___12___close-up-of-passionate-young-asian-couple-having-royalty-free-image-953857762-1544207890

You’re going to have to do some pretty extravagant foreplay to make sure she doesn’t refer to you as “air mattress guy” forevermore.

Make sure you’re not violating any of these bed deal breakers.

Make sure your bed is a bed.

ADVERTISEMENT

While there’s something endearingly manly about a haphazard sleeping situation, like an air mattress, a futon, or that pair of Therm-a-rests I slept on once (God bless you, you beautiful mountain man), those set-ups will only take you so far. You should have a real mattress. Now that the mattress industry has been once-, twice-, thrice-disrupted, mattresses are more affordable and more comfortable than ever.

Have a proper bed frame.

Those low-to-the-ground platform beds from Ikea and Urban Outfitters may look sleek and may be inexpensive, and they definitely don’t squeak as much as four-legged bed frames. But! While trendy, they limit the range of available edge-of-the-bed sex positions.

Get a firm(ish) mattress.

ADVERTISEMENT

As comfortable as Memory Foam and its ilk may be for sleeping, changing sex positions or establishing a sexy rhythm on a Memory Foam mattress is like swimming in pudding. Historically, mattress shoppers have had to choose between marvelous, slightly bouncy sex on a firm mattress and an enveloping night’s sleep on a foamy one. Now most of the new mattress startups have options that fall somewhere in-between, so get thee a mattress that can do both. The Leesa, for example, is a foamy mattress that is not so quicksand-like that it’s difficult to move in.

Have lots of sheets.

The most expensive, high-quality sheets on the market have no power over me if they’re dirty. Cleanliness trumps thread count every time. No, women aren’t whipping out a blacklight and studying your bed, but we notice when your sheets are yellowed by years of sweat or stained by more sinister fluids.

You’re not getting away with anything by opting for dark sheets, either: Dark sheets just make us wonder what you’re trying to hide. There is no greater aphrodisiac than clean, crisp sheets, so make sure you have a few sets in rotation.

The linen sheets from Huddleson are particularly dreamy, but also particularly expensive. As a compromise, consider buying one fancy sheet set for when you’re anticipating a sexy guest, and one or two cheaper sets for when you’re not trying to impress anyone.

ADVERTISEMENT

Retire your pillows.

After a few years, pillows start to smell, and not in the sexy pheremonal way: They start to smell like fermented drool. Some sleep experts suggest you should replace your pillows every year (or even every six months, if you’re buying cheap polyester pillows.) We’re not going to do that-pillows are really expensive-but each pillow should be replaced at leastevery few years. Or sooner, if something catastrophic happens to it.

Go as big as possible.

I’ll forgive a man a full-size bed because I own a full bed, but it is barely acceptable: I often feel like I’m going to fall off my bed mid-coitus. Queen-size is better, and king-size is best.

You know what they say about guys with big beds. ("He had a giant bed!")

JOIN OUR PULSE COMMUNITY!

Unblock notifications in browser settings.
ADVERTISEMENT

Eyewitness? Submit your stories now via social or:

Email: eyewitness@pulse.ng

Recommended articles

The largest snake in the world Ana Julia is dead — unknown gunmen suspected

The largest snake in the world Ana Julia is dead — unknown gunmen suspected

10 sexual benefits of watermelon for men and women

10 sexual benefits of watermelon for men and women

8 sexual benefits of ginger for men and women

8 sexual benefits of ginger for men and women

10 Sex Positions for Super-Deep Penetration

10 Sex Positions for Super-Deep Penetration

What It Feels Like to Use a Butt Plug While Masturbating

What It Feels Like to Use a Butt Plug While Masturbating

11 Ways Men Can Make Their Orgasms Even Better

11 Ways Men Can Make Their Orgasms Even Better

10 latest senator styles for men

10 latest senator styles for men

Why You Should Try Anal Fingering Before Having Anal Sex

Why You Should Try Anal Fingering Before Having Anal Sex

5 Sex Positions to Stimulate Her G-Spot

5 Sex Positions to Stimulate Her G-Spot

Dr Akpa Chidinma of Curvy Girl Essentials champions inclusivity in beauty standards

Dr Akpa Chidinma of Curvy Girl Essentials champions inclusivity in beauty standards

Pocketwatching in Relationships: What it is and how to deal with it

Pocketwatching in Relationships: What it is and how to deal with it

Money or love? Which is the most important in relationships, according to science?

Money or love? Which is the most important in relationships, according to science?

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT