Is there a perfect way to slide in the DMs?

Ultimately, there’s has to be some context to who you are (because you are not Banky W with the lyrics). We’ll be as serious with this as possible, while waving the tiny disclaimer that I’m not responsible for the hundreds of negative responses you still have ahead of you regardless.

Shalom.

The first rule of the game is to know the game; in this context, it means understanding your platform.

Twitter DMs can lead to lengthy conversations if you know what you’re doing.

ALSO READ: Millenials are communicating wrongly in relationships

Each platform shows off one side of you, at most, a couple. Instagram is a more flamboyant platform, so if you’re on very slippery streets on the Gram, be sure you deleted all your photos from the first few years of university.

You can’t be the moral equivalent of Johnny Bravo on Twitter. Not if you want to be acknowledged.

You’ve probably heard that there are hack messages; certain phrases or questions that are bound to get you a response because they’re witty or whatnot. Thing is there’s a difference between being witty and being creepy.

Pace yourself, Don't be a creep

The average woman on social media probably gets creeped out fairly enough in the DMs so the least you can do, literally, is leave her alone or not creep her out with ill-advised decisions like “Damsel. I’m hungry for love and I want to have you for dinner tonight”.

Don’t make any allusions to sex, and even if you work in agriculture, stay away from sending that eggplant emoji or anything that makes reference to nuts, peaches, bananas, and watermelons.

Don’t be generic. In a literal horde of love-hungry patriarchs on social media, you need to stand out.

Start by sending a message that is both cautious but slightly personal, something that shows you have some genuine interest in her person.

Does she post about music? Did you both have a fire back-and-forth on the TL that you think she’d remember? Does she whine about how Jon Bellion is the greatest thing to ever happen to mankind?

The only thing better than kicking off with something that interests her is having money starting off with a mutual interest.

Ask her about something that will probably get her to respond even if she thinks you’re trash.

The key is to not open the conversation by focusing on yourself. You’ll get plenty of time to do that.

That’s assuming you know how to hold a conversation.

Getting her initial attention doesn’t mean you get to send a list of demands in the next message so she really understands what we're trying to achieve out here. No. That’s bastard behaviour.

You have to keep that same energy, Keep asking her thoughtful questions. Even though you’re supposed to be genuinely interested in her, hitting the right spots will personalize the conversation.

To be fair, not much of this is written in stone. Your judgement may tell you that she’s been waiting for your DMs for a while so you just want to do a straight slide.

ALSO READ: Twitter gave us a story of one couple, two nudes and a threesome

By all means, you can be a bit adventurous. Just don’t reference something she posted on Instagram on the midnight of Friday, 13 April 2011. That’s very disturbing bro.

What are you bringing to the table?

Do your best to make sure that the conversation is the best content experience possible.

Here’s what I mean; most people tend to feel that their skills at constructing sentences is enough to hold a conversation. No, it isn’t.

Especially not with someone who has probably received 16 “Hey”s in her DMs since you last asked her if she had eaten.

Thrown in all the references you can find that matter to her; talk about recent happenings, share a video or two, use emojis.

No one has too much attention to pay nowadays so just make sure the conversation is wealthy enough that she’s not asking herself what other things she needs to do.

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Ultimately, you’re the one who knows what you want from the conversation; a date, a favour, FaceTime or someone who will be loyal to you on the TL when you get outed.

If you’re hoping to have a conversation in real life, knowing when to take things offline is as important as your spelling.

One bit of advice: Withdraw when the ovation is loudest and you’ve laid enough context that she knows you’re not a bot or PabloAyodeji

Remember that disclaimer I talked about in the beginning?

Here it is, in nicer terms.

Even if you get specially written messages courtesy of Banky W and Falz, you’re still getting shot down in the DMs. It’s how the world works. Someone will always reply though and it’s up to you to behave yourself.

Do not be entitled when she doesn’t respond in time and if she declines your advances, step back politely.

Just have conversations, meet people and enjoy their virtual company.

Hopefully, one day, you’ll be able to sing that Yo Gotti song with an air of experience