Earlier today, Twitter Nigeria erupted in another stupid gender war and clash of opinions; one the one part, the sensible people - mostly women. On the other, the wielders of unsolicited opinions with none to save themselves when the lions come - mostly men.
The reason was Tomisin (Tweets @Tomisin_418), a beautiful, young mother to a seven-week-old baby chose to attend an Adekunle Gold concert that held on the night of Saturday, December 15, 2018.
Of course, this is Nigeria and “everybody be criminal.” So, the District Attorneys of ‘Wayward Thoughts Town’ came to ask her questions. I mean, of course, they’re advocates for the obviously suffering baby.
I could swear these people carry books of justice of doom while they tweet these opinions.
Like, how dare she make attempt to leave her infant for a good night out, while she had someone on standby, watching the baby?
How dare she leave her house after 10 months and two weeks of carrying the baby inside her, through the pain, inability to turn while sleeping and the utter discomfort of pregnancy and the equal parts joy and equal parts insanely demanding adaptation to motherhood post-partum?
And the good part, how dare she even think of having a good night out, and then even dare to post pictures on social media? Isn’t she a mother? Shouldn’t she die beside her baby, fading away and covered in breast milk while she drowns in post-partum depression?
I mean sure, the only way we can be satisfied is if these women wallow in post-partum depression while we men live our best lives around town, hitting up bars every Friday, right?
Until she cries for help and she’s looking raggedy and overweight, she’s not a nursing mother, yes? Am I right, or am I right?
Yes, I bet I got it right. Special shout-out to all who criticized Tomisin on Twitter today, you did yourselves a terrible dissatisfaction by posting your horribly malformed faeces-laced piecemeal of opinions. The world really didn’t need to hear you speak.
I mean, Twitter is a toxic place, but you could have saved your children the future disappointment of watching their fathers utter some of the most criminal misstatements history has ever seen.
After the stupidity of that followed #MarketMarchYaba - that was a huge L for the Nigerian man, I really thought we were all going to hug a different path and do things better. I guess the joke is on me.
Why do we keep holding women to higher moral standards?
On September 7, 2018, delivering a speech at Inbound Conference, best-selling Nigerian author and foremost feminist, Chimamanda Ngozi-Adichie queried why the world holds women to a higher moral standard than any act of theirs could really betray.
She said, “There is nothing a woman should be because she is a woman, and there is nothing a man should be because he is a man… Women are not special, women are human, women are flawed just like men… If we keep saying women are special, then we judge them at a higher and unfair standard.”
I know, blah blah, it’s not really men’s fault. They are from a system that promotes masculinity and it was always inevitable that they were going to be built this way.
It is also true, that sometimes, if you don’t know better, it is impossible to do better and Nigerian men are stuck in the dark caves of toxic masculinity where codes of this toxicity are written on mountain walls.
The truth, however, is that conversations fly around on Twitter, which we all have accounts on and it’s impossible to still not be privy to great conversations going around.
If then, you still maintain the standards of your formation and choose to act by them, it means you prefer the privilege your formation grants you and you have no intentions of letting it go.
That being the case, you deserve all the smoke you get. Enough is enough, women deserve and want good things too. It’s not like she tweeted that she left the baby untended because her husband was not around.
It’s weird that these fake intellectuals and award-winning critics have not stopped to realize that women change after the baby comes to earth — their entire life becomes about that child.
They live and breathe for that child, even if the father’s child is an irresponsible cow. It’s a mystical bond that transcends human understanding.
How then will a human with such established bond leave the object of that bond alone untended? If you really don’t enjoy seeing women as slaves, you would consider this perspective.
You would also consider that motherhood is hard, especially in the early days. Most women never really recover from that phase and that’s why a lot of our mothers are who they are. Beyonce said as much on her much publicized Vogue shoot. She talked about the radical changes her body will never recover from.
Today, Pulse spoke to Yinka (not real name), a nursing mother. She said, “Why can a man live his life and a woman can’t? It’s honestly exhausting and that’s why new moms fall into post-partum depression."
A woman deserves to live her life too. Motherhood shouldn’t be an end to a woman living a good life.
Why can she attend Owanbe and not an Adekunle Gold concert?
It represents the fear of men to what they don’t know, thus, they would rather hold on to what they know and criticize that alien concept. It’s so wild how a lot of men slave to the subconscious.
If Tomisin had posted a picture at an Owambe, our dear suit-wearing, misfiring proponents of over-the-bar opinion school wouldn’t have criticized her. It just shows how it’s all perception-based.
The moment Tomisin, a nursing mother posted a picture at a concert, with her infant’s age, critics’ heads were in the cloud.
Their perception and standard of motherhood had been flouted, thus, nothing else could possibly be right. What a shame.
Yes, I know. An Owambe is a societal representation of ‘a responsible gathering’ and a night out at a concert is riddled with ‘perils of vices,’ with real-life King Kongs of bad things as custodians, we know.
There’s also no difference between leaving her baby for a 3-hour concert and leaving her baby for eight hours at work. He probably has a problem with going out to a concert which is ‘immoral.’
Good African children shouldn’t go out at night, right?
It shows how men only want women to slave and slave, while they gallivant and gallivant. A woman is here because she’s a woman. If a man had tweeted that, he would have been hailed.
Yes, women are greater nurturers, but they also need to enjoy their lives. Why is this so hard to accept?
Why have we chosen to hold on to terribly failed standards as a society? Why do we not even try to change how we think? Why do we slave to internalized nonsense?
It’s been a really irksome and sad day and it is due to myopic streams of thought, aided by patches of wholesome toxic masculinity and megalomaniac tendencies, rolled into oppressive-suppressive theorizing.
A woman can live right and still be a GREAT MOTHER
These standards have to be pulled down. Men must do better, and even women who refuse to evolve.
So far as she provides all things necessary for her baby, and she lives responsibly, she should be able to go out without a fear of being judged.
Her husband should be able to hold down the forte until she comes back. A husband should be a partner, not a fascist boss that a wife cannot speak to.
Women go through a lot while nursing babies. Some of them even get so bored, they start having terrible thoughts. It is not only healthy for her or her marriage, but also the baby that needs her happy and refreshed. Going out and blowing off steam will aid that.
We must do better. The events of today were mostly heartbreaking than irksome, on second thought.