Once upon a time, Ayesha Curry was hailed as the ideal 'wife material'. A smart, attractive young woman who got married early; she was touted as the 'perfect' wife. 7 years and 3 children later, Ayesha Curry is opening up about the insecurities that come with being a young wife and mother and the idea of desirability and the tides have turned against her.
According to a clip of the show shared by People, Curry said of her husband on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk Facebook Show.
“Stephen is very nice by nature and he’s very talkative. Everything is always very friendly and sometimes to the point where I’m like, ‘I’m a grown woman, so I’ll just insert myself.’ I’ll be like, ‘Hello. How are you doing?’”
She also acknowledged that as a Mother of 3 young children, she struggles with feeling desirable and sometimes wishes she got the kind of attention from the opposite sex that her husband often receives.
“Something that really bothers me and honestly has given me a little bit of a sense of insecurity is the fact that yea, there are like all these women throwing themselves [at him], but me, the past 10 years, I don’t have any of that,” she said.
“I have zero—this sounds weird—but like male attention. So then I begin to internalize it and I’m like, ‘Is something wrong with me?’” she continued. “I don’t want it, but it would be nice to know that like someone’s looking.”
Recognising she was in a safe space, Ayesha felt comfortable enough to share and be vulnerable but in the generation of outrage, her comments have been misconstrued and a social media storm was created.
Twitter users were less than impressed by Ayesha's confession. Accusing her of disrespecting her husband by wanting attention from other men.
For many, Ayesha represents a historical symbol of womanhood, The Good Wife. Historically, The Good Wife was governed by pregnancy, birth, and death. Women were taught that marriage was the only worthwhile kind of life. Similarly, Ayesha is primarily known to be a mother and wife. As a result, the public (and men in particular) celebrate and uplift her as the more traditional woman, the good wife, the Madonna.
Ayesha's 'fall from grace' is indicative of the problematic Madonna whore complex men have which is fragile because a Madonna and a whore can exist within the very same women. The outdated notion gives the idea that a woman can only be one-dimensional but in essence, they are extremely nuanced beings.
According to Urban Dictionary:
A man with a madonna-whore complex is a man who will sleep with and lust for a sexual and beautiful woman but he will never respect her as "wife" material and he will never marry her. In his eyes, she is tainted, impure, unworthy of the status of wife---yet he may possess passionate and contradictory feelings for her. He may even be in love with her but will never allow himself to be with her in any real sense.
He will look for a "good girl" to marry---usually a woman who is cold sexually but, for example, is good at "wifely" domestic things: cooking, cleaning, homemaking in general, etc. A proper, pure "madonna" type woman who will bear his children.
However, choosing to speak on her need to be desired, a natural feeling, Ayesha has shattered that image and exhibited behaviour attributed to the whore. She's destroyed her good girl narrative and like clockwork, people have turned against her despite her doing everything (as far as they are concerned) right.
It just shows that no matter what she does, no matter how she behaves, she will eventually find herself at the mercy of people who have already pre-judged her, so why bother?
Ayesha's confession was comforting for many women worldwide who have felt the very same way and have been afraid to voice that concern. In bruising the male ego, Ayesha has made hundreds of thousands of women around the world feel 'seen', a worthy trade-off if we ever saw one.
Rightly standing behind her comments In a very on-brand, classy reply, Ayesha addressed the controversy surrounding her comments. She said:
This is me throwing a pair of spanx in a Marie Kondo-Esque bin. “Does it spark joy?” I have never been one to cage my feelings and emotions to any capacity. I am human. It brings me pure joy to speak my mind, be vulnerable at times and to know myself inside and out. Seeing as how it’s mental health awareness month I really want to take the time to encourage everyone to speak their truth regardless of perception, fitting into a mold or offending someone, because it’s YOUR truth. And that’s okay! If what I’m not afraid to say out loud about being a 30yr mama of 3 helps another woman like me feel like they’re not the alone and not the only one with an insecurity (because we ALL have them, don’t play) then that makes all of this hoopla worth it. If you get a chance to watch the actual RTT and not the headlines and rumors please do! There is so much more depth to the talk and our family is grateful to @jadapinkettsmith for giving us the opportunity to bond together. As women let’s continue to uplift, empower and not suppress and compress our feelings and thoughts, as fleeting as some of them may be 😏. Love to you all! Go FIND YOUR JOY and SPEAK YOUR TRUTH unapologetically. 🙏🏽(that’s all-Miranda voice)