Some men believe that sex is all about the pleasure they get from the act. They think, erroneously though, that all a woman needs is for him to jump on her, thrust to his satisfaction and all is well. But that is a very wrong way to look at sex. What our men needs to know is that experiencing orgasms regularly with one another is one way that can keep a marriage healthy, happy and strong.
Current research has revealed that the link between longevity and orgasm frequency show that married couples who enjoy a regular, satisfying sex life, with frequent orgasms, are less stressed, less depressed and generally more well physically, mentally and emotionally.
This level of satisfaction and well-being is reflected in the marriage in which they share. The depth of connection and the bonds of trust that a shared orgasmic experience builds is a visceral insurance policy for long-term commitments to one another.
The connection between sexual attraction and arousal is not static; the swing between feeling desirable and connected in a marriage is in a continuous flux and reflects the health of the entire relationship, not just its sexual side.
Overcoming the initiation argument begins when both husband and wife stop keeping score. Agreeing to harness the frustration and apply it towards building solutions is much more likely to move you towards a pleasure both of you will happily share.
Studies have shown that as many as 60 percent of women have faked an orgasm, and this practice is not just limited to women.
The reasons for faking orgasm are complex; whether it’s because one feels like they can’t perform, or that they can’t open up to that level of vulnerability or that by faking one, they feel like they can end the intimacy.
What results is the most serious of breaches in trust. Faking orgasm is a lie and it leads your spouse, who is trying to love you and bring you pleasure, to feeling like they cannot trust the messages you are sending. Breaching trust at this deeply naked level of vulnerability cannot help but seep into the other aspects of the marriage.
Many women mistakenly believe that their pleasure doesn’t matter, or they don’t want to burden their spouse in their own frustrated search for that mysterious and powerful orgasmic release. Real conversation about these issues is, believe it or not, sexy. It communicates that you are invested and trust your spouse enough to be vulnerable about this most deeply held desire.
For the record, most men get more pleasure and sense of mastery from helping a woman they love to orgasm than having their own climax. Working together to find the path to individual orgasm is the most intimate sharing that exists. It changes everything in a relationship.
Take the time to think about or write down your own personal sexual history including the orgasmic feelings you have experienced. Share these notes with your spouse and watch how even the most unwilling will open up.
Discovering pleasure together is like pouring cement into a foundation. Physical touch that leads to ecstatic release not only releases hormones and endorphins that promote health and longevity, but also serve as the basis of biological bonding.
Knowing that you have the ability to reach your spouse in this most intimate of ways is one of the most significant sources of self-esteem that a marriage can afford.
There is a strange coincidence between the percentages of couples who don’t orgasm and the percentage of those who divorce. While sharing orgasm is not enough to keep a marriage alive, the inability to move towards it is enough to kill it.
There is no other single work in life that will repay the two of you so profoundly each and every time it happens.