Dear Sarah,

How do I tell my partner she sucks in bed without hurting her feelings? She’s smart but she is a flop when it comes to sex.

Dear anonymous,

You need a way of indirectly telling her that there are a lot of improvements to be made when it comes to your sex life.

You can start by encouraging her. When it comes to feedback about sex, encouragement is always going to work better than discouragement.

When you are trying to tell your partner that they need to improve their sex moves, the best thing that you can do is not tell them. This way you can encourage the things that they are good at without having to tell them that they stink in other aspects.

Maybe she’s really good at the cowgirl sex position but just lies there in missionary. Tell her that you really love when she’s on top. She’s going to want to do it more because she knows that it turns you on. Of course, this isn’t going to fix the issues, but it allows her to focus on what she is good at to forgo the other sex positions she’s not good at. 

Also, it should never just be about you. Relationships and sex are a two-way street.

If you expect her to always cater to what you need then you’re never going to have great sex. You need to find out what really turns her on. When she’s turned on enough she’s not going to care about the results of embarrassment.

Cater to her needs instead of thinking about yourself. You have to let her know that it’s okay to go wild and pleasing her the way that she wants to be pleased is the easiest way to do this.