Dear Sarah,

My girlfriend is an amazing person and I love her so much, but the sex isn’t all that adventurous as I really want. She likes the lights out, missionary style sex but I need a bit more fun. How can I get her to spice up our sex life?

Dear anonymous,

Sex is only as hot as you make it – if you’re always doing it with the lights off and in the missionary position, you’ll get bored. It’s easy for both men and women to get bored with sex, especially when they’re in a long-term relationship.

So you should learn about new positions together – that way she won’t feel intimidated or inadequate.

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Check in with her comfort level – you don’t want to scare her off. But if she’s game, pick up a copy of the kamasutra and start circling things you want to try. Couples erotica might also help give her some visual tips. Do a little research and find something soft core that appeals to women.

In the end, it’s all about having fun, being safe and doing what comes naturally. With some suggestions, communication, and compassion I’m guessing your routine together will be expanded in no time.

The actuality of trying new positions is incredibly simple. The more challenging part will be adding a little spice into your straight vanilla sex.

So talk to her about it and find out what her objections are. They could be religious, or she could just have a history of non-adventurous partners. Maybe she’s afraid of being called a slut or has some kind of sexual insecurities.

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Whatever they may be, you’ll have to get a dialogue going and you’ll have to get her to open up about these things, and come to some kind of agreement. It may not be easy to get this information out of her. You may be feeling like you’re peeling back the layers of an onion, and in some ways you are. But be loving and be patient.

Be prepared to take baby steps as well. She’s probably not going to go from straight vanilla to kamasutra overnight.