Own your truth and your mistakes too

The article was written by Yemisi Adegoke and was 'titled 'Toke, Tiwa and Nigeria’s shaming culture.' Essentially, the writer highlighted how Toke Makinwa has been dragged by members of the public for writing about her failed marriage and owning narrative.

Yemisi Adegoke also wrote that Nigeria has a strong shaming culture which has criticised many women for coming out to tell their stories and shamed them for any reason possible.

"Women are shamed for all kinds of things: drinking alcohol, having sex, being unmarried, being divorced, being too fat, being too thin, even telling their own stories. While it may all seem like innocent commentary about people who have chosen to open up about their private lives, on some level it is also about shaming. Although shaming is not unique to Nigeria, it is certainly ingrained here" she wrote.

This is what I feel about the article. In this era of political correctness and wokeness, a few things are hidden under misogyny which is wrong.

Taking a note from Isaac Newton's notebook, every action in life is followed by anequal reaction. Let's bring Toke Makinwa into this equation. She dated a playboy for over a decade and the experience was nothing less than tragic. Not to be harsh, but it was her actions that created the reality of a tragic marriage. She entered a marriage based on a highly flawed relationship with her eyes open.

ALSO READ: Toke Makinwa says she watched her mum burn

There is no how you would read Toke's book and not feel that she was the architect of the reality of her former marriage. If people are saying that it was her fault for marrying a male whore there is nothing wrong with it. It's just an equal reaction to the media personality's baffling action. It's not misogyny. It is just a general reaction to Toke's decisions.

This is life for you. When you make a good move, people applaud you. When you make a bad move, people criticise you. Pardon me to use football as an example. Last weekend, Marouane Fellaini caused a penalty in the dying minutes of Manchester United's match against Everton. The midfielder was heavily criticised for his stupid tackle.

What some writers want to make us believe is that instead of criticising Fellaini's action, we should praise him for showing so much passion even though he did something wrong. I am sorry. The world does not work like this. People including women should own their narratives and their mistakes too. Hiding under gender wars and misogyny is belittling women who are actually suffering from true misogynists culture.

Yemisi Adegoke also wrote that men don't get the fair share of the stick when matters like these pop-up. "Remember the backlash Tiwa Savage received for her interview?" she asked. What backlash? If Tiwa Savage did get any backlash it wasn't up to 5% of the backlash Tee Billz got after her explosive interview. He was dragged to the sewer for being a Yoruba demon.

And the consensus on Twitter is that Maje Ayida behaved irresponsibly throughout his long affair with Toke Makinwa. No way as he been given a pass mark in this whole story. Toke Makinwa has come out the victor in this matter and her ex-husband is seen as a devil.

The article also says "After denouncing the story as untrue or half-true, next comes the argument: “She’s doing it for money” or “to blow.” This idea of mass financial gain as the motivation for stepping out is an attempt to undermine the validity of the story. To some, it doesn’t matter if these women are already successful in their own right."

For your information, Toke Makinwa wrote the book for money. This is not the sole reason but it is one of the reasons. Her book is an attempt at commercialising her pain and there is nothing wrong with that. It's a statement of fact. Adele, Drake have made millions from selling their pain to the world. Saying she is doing it for the money does not undermine the fact that Toke Makinwa wrote her book to inspire other women.

In an attempt to balance the scales, which is the right thing to do, a lot of pro-female writers lash out and miss the point. Toke Makinwa's story in parts highlights Nigeria's patriarchal society but the reaction to her book are just basic normal human reactions, nothing else.