Kemi Taiwo gives reasons why most women cheat on their partners, whether married or not.
Most women have been taught from childhood to be 'good little girls, 'behave like a lady', and 'grin and bear it'. Remember hearing the saying 'little girls are made of sugar and spice, and all things nice?'
Fast forward to the 21st century, where women are now allowed to be tough, to say NO, to speak their mind, to become CEO’s and to enjoy sex. Women have become more assertive and in tune to their needs, wants and desires.
Some men like the fact that women are able to 'talk the talk' and 'walk the walk', while others feel intimidated by it. Without a doubt, this change has had great impact on relationships between men and women, specifically the actions and behaviours of women.
Although women are not exceeding men in cheating, (my opinion), they are having emotional affairs and sex behind their man’s back. However, when a woman cheats, she is usually cheating for emotional intimacy while a man usually cheats for physical pleasure.
Women are still emotionally invested in their relationships. They want to feel desired, wanted and irresistible. It’s quite phenomenal how far women have come in this world, from women’s lib, entering the workforce, becoming professionals, breadwinners of the family, and now getting their needs met; even if it means cheating.
Now get ready to see what I reveal as reasons women cheat.
1. Lack of attention and intimacy:
How long can you go without receiving love and attention before you look somewhere else? Some can go for only days or weeks, and others can go for years. However, in general, women need and desire intimacy, physical touch, and mental and emotional attention.
If you are not receiving this from your husband or boyfriend, it will only be a matter of time and you may seek it from another, i.e. a caring guy friend, the attentive guy who feeds your emotional needs at your workplace, or the hot trainer at the gym.
Women deprived of attention, compliments, and compassion, usually have emotional affairs. That doesn’t mean it won’t lead to sex but initially they crave the attention and compassion that has been absent from their relationship.
Being cheated on is a very difficult act to forgive. For those of you who have been cheated on, you know how awful it feels. You feel deceived, hurt, angry, sad, numb and even violated. It also affects your self-esteem.
At the moment you find out your man cheated, your whole body begins to shake, you begin to sweat, your stomach drops, and you feel nauseated. Clearly, it negatively affects your relationship, your mood, behavior, and your ability to trust the cheater ever again.
When you have been cheated on, some of you may want to get revenge by making them feel the way you felt. This can lead you, to do the cheating next.
The biggest truth is that cheating never solves a relationship problem. Communication, assertiveness and increasing passion and romance in your relationship are a much better solution.
3. Bad Sex:
Women need to feel desired and experience REAL orgasms during sex. If you are getting bad sex, not enough sex, non-emotional sex, or 'wham-bam-thank-you-mam' sex, you may eventually lose interest in the relationship and look elsewhere for GOOD sex!
This creates temptation to seek sexual or emotional satisfaction elsewhere. In my opinion, it’s best to communicate your needs to your man with the hopes that he will step it up a notch. You can do this on your own or with the help of a sex therapist.
4. Extravagant Looks:
Male attention increases quickly after a boob job, a butt implant or weight loss, and so does your self-confidence. With all the male attention, your temptation to cheat rises, and it takes more self-control to resist some of those male offers.
Once you realize other guys want you, your desire to act on it may have you feeling euphoric. However, be careful, act wisely and make your pros and cons list.
5. Financial Independence:
When you feel financially dependent on your husband or boyfriend, it’s more difficult to speak up in arguments or leave the relationship. The fear of being alone and financially unstable keeps you in a one-down position.
Now that women make their own money, enjoy working, and are good at it, the need to stay in an unhappy relationship is not necessary. That feeling of power and independence can be like seeing the red carpet laid out for you; all the way to those other fish in the sea.
6. Low Self-esteem:
When you feel insecure about yourself, you have a need to seek validation from others. This can be in the form of sexual, emotional, or intellectual attention.
When you don’t love or value yourself, you may project that onto the person you are in a relationship with, and believe they don’t love or value you.
Even if your husband or boyfriend loves you greatly, you still may cheat because you find it hard to accept their unconditional love.
I suggest reading one of the many self-help books out there on building your self-esteem, or get some counseling to help improve self-confidence.
Stay tuned for the concluding part of this expose next week.
Kemi Taiwo is a sex, relationship and family expert. She is a lead relationship counselor at madamfelicia.org, a site that deals with relationship, sex and family development.